Food Critics Gifts

'Felder, I'd like a woman's opinion. Why isn't this selling?'

"Everywhere you look, there's a rate hike."

'Pol Pot Noodles.'

'Waiter, I think my wife's calamari is underdone.'

'You're too fussy - the coffee isn't THAT bad!'

And this is one we made earlier.

Pies.

'Oh yeah, it's a great idea, but how do we go about converting everybody to Judaism?'

The Last Brunch.

'If you say one more word about how heavy my Mother's potato dumplings were, I'll scream!'

'What'll it be - one large risk or several small ones?'

"Your fortune: in a few minutes the rice with rotten shrimps that you ate will start making you feel very sick. We strongly recommend that you drive to the nearest hospital."

"Spaghetti made from squash? Sounds like fake news."

Lady sees vending machine: 'Your 2 Cents Worth 50 Cents'

'If only you would let me cover this Tofu-vegetables stuff with ketchup, it would at least LOOK like real food...'

'Come on, eat your spinach.' -' Sorry, I'm on a special diet...No toxic waste.'

"Look out, Luke Grasswalker! Irascibility leads to the dark side of the force. . . right into a hamburger bun."

"This whole Latino food marketing is getting out of control. People don't blindly fall for marketing gimmicks!"

"At home, we call that pollo podrido! And we call this vomito apestoso! And we call this queque repugnante!"

"The fog is thick, but so tender you can cut it with a fork."

"Excuse me, mine's too spicy."

"No, I'm sorry, acorns are off."

"The Garlic Escargot Velouté...would you like that in the traditional tureen, or supersized in a bucket?"

"My compliments to yhe liquidator - that was terrible."

"Red wine with poultry? Seriously?"

Mcdonalds changes beef patty recipe but denies Jamie Oliver revelations were the reason.

"I can grant you any wish you desire except for making sure the ice cream machine always works at McDonald's."

Brad learns that beggars can be choosers.

More New Cereals For Kids

Maybe you would have less of a problem with flies in your soup if you didn't have landing strips attached to your bowls.

Oddly enough, the salsa is kinda mild here.

'I say Madam, I prefer my soup bald!' (Victor Hugo, Notre-Dame de Paris)

"Who gets the Chateaubriand with the mail-in rebate?"

She wanted a real man, but kept dating the blow-up kind,

'A chicken place is sending a chicken sandwich to near outer space in a hot air balloon."