Food Critiquing Gifts

Feedback card for the feedback card.

"Never mind - we waited so long that we ordered pizza from the place across the street!"

'You better get out your cook book. There's a food critic out there.'

"Guilty! The broth was awful!"

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

"Just bring me something that's going to look good on social media."

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

We're here at House of Java cafe at an all-too-familiar scene. House of Java.net Cybercafe. Tommy Jones, a local boy, has been caught stealing a scone. A minor offense? Not to the cafe's proprietor. He's demanding the boy be sentenced as an adult. But I'm eight! Wahhh! Add a year to the sentence for whining and crying.

"This place is one of New York's best-kept secrets."

"When I was your age. I was really smelly."

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

Cow's Last Will and Testament.

'Oh, and I suppose I'm the only one who's ever heard it's a 'dog eat dog world'?'

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

6 Brothers Falafel

"You said the cauliflower is locally grown – would you elaborate?"

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

Self Service Restaurant: 'Where do you keep the eggs?'

Newton discovers gravity and apple sauce in the same day.

#Thanksgiving #Nofilter

"You say your crème needs more Brulée?"

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

"Maybe if we added some pumpkin spice?"

"War is hell and so is this soup."

"Something romantic, perhaps?"

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

"Rump roast?"

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

'Eight years old, huh? If it's so good, why didn't somebody drink it eight years ago?'

"Something's wrong with the broccoli. Please take it back to the kitchen and have it genetically modified."

'Needs salt!'

'Strained carrots again! What am I being punished for this time?'

'Wait until you taste the artisanal water. It's not to be believed.'

"When portions are this huge, I eat half now and the rest in a few minutes."