Food Critique Gifts

All-You-Should-Eat Buffet

"I'd recommend this."

"Potatoes too salty? Look, buster ??" I told you to enjoy your meal!"

'I wish you'd make those meatballs a little lighter; they hurt!'

Another reason farm raised fish aren't as healthy as wild ones.

Comment on food.

Deli sells the four major food groups - pizza, cheeseburgers, fries and cola.

'How did you find your steak, sir?'

An art director eats: 'Waiter! Does this lettuce say 'salad' to you?'

'Not bad - tastes almost like real food.'

Restaurant: 'Closed for lunch.'

'Calorie averaging...with the oven-fresh trip-el burger, you get...one French fry.'

"Well, that's a matter of opinion!"

"When you say everything's fine is that an 'mmm, mmm good' fine or a 'just wait until I get to YELP and tear you a new one' fine?"

"The pork chops were dry and unseasoned."

"I don't like my cooking either, but I don't keep complaining about it."

"Dad, what is a meal?"

Leftovers restaurant - for that unpretentious dining.

"...and we also have some from a few stateless terrorist groups."

"Don't be intimidated by this place. The pretentiousness is offset by the mediocre food."

"Stay away from those ... they're fruitcake crumbs."

"What's this on the menu?"

"Just stopping by to say I'm still ignoring you."

"Fantastic service, lousy food."

"Remember that little girl Goldilocks that hassled us about the porridge? She's now a big food critic on the internet!"

"If only the aftertaste came first."

"The wine has subtle hints of expensive pretension, but it's balanced nicely by the screw cap."

"Do you carry any healthy snack options?"

How Bad Could It Be?

Food-like ojects

"I gave your ‘compliments to the chef,’ and he’d like you to elaborate."

"Would you prefer sparkling water, filtered water, tap water or water?"

"Just so I’m understanding the menu, the ‘Old Forge wheel with rosemary-infused pancetta’ is essentially a $36 Hot Pocket?"

Won't kill you

"Polly doesn't want THAT cracker."