Culinary Critique Gifts

Bookworm group

"Zagat gave this place a 27 for gawking."

'At $12 a glass, I want it to spit out what it drank.'

"The jelly required a soupçon more texture on the custard was on the wrong side of sweet."

"Vintage? What would you like it to be?"

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

"Yo, Cézanne, paint faster. I need those grapes for the Madeira sauce."

"Something romantic, perhaps?"

View to the Future

'I'll have you know sir, that we used the finest columbian coffee beans in that dishwater.'

'Eight years old, huh? If it's so good, why didn't somebody drink it eight years ago?'

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

Too much cilantro

"Which wine would you pair with the complimentary bread and butter?"

"It's good to know she was butchered for a noble cause."

'I think I'll go home and eat'

"Hmmm ... you're right — I forgot the brie."

'Which wine list would you like, Sir - Classics or Plonk?'

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

"Is the MSG local?"

Countervailing Clichés.

"I'll have the egg-yellow omelette."

'We finished all the repairs in the cafeteria kitchen this morning, but the food still tastes lousy.'

"Oh joy. Looks like the turkey is almost done..."

'Someone's been tampering with this chicken. It tastes like chicken.'

"We've both made mistakes, Doug, but I consider the appetizers to be a thing of the past."

"Nice try, Mom, but I'm going to go with a caterer."

"All dishes marked with an asterisk are served with sarcasm. . ."

"No, my consomme was perfect, but my husbands calamari is a little underdone."

"And exactly how is the peanut-butter-and-jelly prepared?"

Mrs. Robot attempts to improve her family's diet.

"Just so I’m understanding the menu, the ‘Old Forge wheel with rosemary-infused pancetta’ is essentially a $36 Hot Pocket?"

Happy hour.