Culinary Critic Gifts

'Most people wouldn't wantonly eat the hors d'oeuvres if they hadn't read the book.'

"Sure, dead is important. But it has to taste good."

Zagat-rated.

"I'm sorry, but I can't sell you one until you give me the correct pronunciation."

'There's an inspector here from the Board of Health who would like to see the chicken soup.'

Avocado Timeline

"Oh no, not dinner again!"

"I find your ruling on the avocado-grapefruit-and-pomegranate salad overly narrow."

Now at the Farmers' Market

'Were you trying to attract my attention, Sir?'

'Clearly my client would be slim, healthy and attractive if MacBurger had adequately warned him of the dangers of eating every scrap of food in their restaurant.'

'Hello - is that Jamie Oliver?'

'They never quit, do they?'

'You predicted the dot.com bust, the housing bust and banking crisis - why do you have to ask 'what's for dinner' every night?'

'Would you like a piece of advice, Mr Salmonella?' asks passer-by to gentleman opening a deli.

'I'd like to be fed intravenously. I've heard about your hospital food!'

'Personally I prefer English cooking.'

'Go for the 'Chef's Surprise.' It's ham salad I made fresh last week.'

'Is anything O.K.?'

'I'll pay double for half as much.'

'My fortune says 'You will be hungry again in an hour'.'

Homemade Jam.

'Do you want me to serve you with a French accent or in just plain English?'

'The food is great, but the service is slow.'

'I don't know if you're a mathematician but my wife's not happy with her Poisson distribution.'

'Britain's filthiest restaurant!'

'Is the mouse free-range?'

" 'Unlimited salad bar' sounded better on the menu."

"I'll have the egg-yellow omelette."

'Waiter! This broth tastes spoiled!'

"Compliments? Well, someone said the salt and pepper tastes nice."

'Waiter, there's no fly in my soup.'

"Relax sir, I'm sure chef barely remembers you posting a negative review online."

'My fortune says 'You have enjoyed genetically modified rice and you will be hungry for more in an hour.''

'Maybe getting gordon ramsay to do the after dinner speech wasn't such a good idea after all!'