Culinary Critic At Heart Gifts

"I like the Pasteurs, but my goodness – boiled tomato juice, boiled fish with boiled lettuce, boiled bread, boiled salad..."

"You might try the Trout Almandine - it's just swimming in credit card debt."

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

"Yo, Cézanne, paint faster. I need those grapes for the Madeira sauce."

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

View to the Future

'I'll have you know sir, that we used the finest columbian coffee beans in that dishwater.'

'Eight years old, huh? If it's so good, why didn't somebody drink it eight years ago?'

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

Too much cilantro

"Which wine would you pair with the complimentary bread and butter?"

"Hmmm ... you're right — I forgot the brie."

'Which wine list would you like, Sir - Classics or Plonk?'

"Is the MSG local?"

Countervailing Clichés.

"I'll have the egg-yellow omelette."

"No, my consomme was perfect, but my husbands calamari is a little underdone."

'We finished all the repairs in the cafeteria kitchen this morning, but the food still tastes lousy.'

'Someone's been tampering with this chicken. It tastes like chicken.'

"All dishes marked with an asterisk are served with sarcasm. . ."

"Nice try, Mom, but I'm going to go with a caterer."

"Hey! There's a hair in my soup!"

"Oh joy. Looks like the turkey is almost done..."

"And exactly how is the peanut-butter-and-jelly prepared?"

"We've both made mistakes, Doug, but I consider the appetizers to be a thing of the past."

Mrs. Robot attempts to improve her family's diet.

"This alphabet soup is in Times New Roman. I ordered Segoe Script! May I please speak to the chef?"

"May I take your plate or are you still nibbling?"

Happy hour.

"Eggshell in omelette make Hulk angry!"

"We suggest you study the menu in our reading room before being seated in the dining room."

'Your fingers are in the soup?' - 'Of course they are. It's freezing in that kitchen.'