Contentious Culinary Critic Gifts

"I hate how we stigmatize eating by calling it a feeding frenzy."

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"Vintage? What would you like it to be?"

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

"Yo, Cézanne, paint faster. I need those grapes for the Madeira sauce."

View to the Future

"Something romantic, perhaps?"

'I'll have you know sir, that we used the finest columbian coffee beans in that dishwater.'

'Eight years old, huh? If it's so good, why didn't somebody drink it eight years ago?'

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

"Hmmm ... you're right — I forgot the brie."

"It's good to know she was butchered for a noble cause."

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

"Which wine would you pair with the complimentary bread and butter?"

"Is the MSG local?"

Too much cilantro

'Which wine list would you like, Sir - Classics or Plonk?'

Countervailing Clichés.

"I'll have the egg-yellow omelette."

"All dishes marked with an asterisk are served with sarcasm. . ."

"Hey! There's a hair in my soup!"

'Someone's been tampering with this chicken. It tastes like chicken.'

'We finished all the repairs in the cafeteria kitchen this morning, but the food still tastes lousy.'

'It's labour-saving because with this you'll be able to burn my meals much faster!'

"Nice try, Mom, but I'm going to go with a caterer."

"Oh joy. Looks like the turkey is almost done..."

"And exactly how is the peanut-butter-and-jelly prepared?"

"No, my consomme was perfect, but my husbands calamari is a little underdone."

"We've both made mistakes, Doug, but I consider the appetizers to be a thing of the past."

"How do you know you don't like New York if you've never even tasted it?"

Mrs. Robot attempts to improve her family's diet.

"Eggshell in omelette make Hulk angry!"

"May I take your plate or are you still nibbling?"

"Just so I’m understanding the menu, the ‘Old Forge wheel with rosemary-infused pancetta’ is essentially a $36 Hot Pocket?"