Contentious Culinary Critic Pillows

"I hate how we stigmatize eating by calling it a feeding frenzy."

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

"Yo, Cézanne, paint faster. I need those grapes for the Madeira sauce."

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

View to the Future

'I'll have you know sir, that we used the finest columbian coffee beans in that dishwater.'

'Eight years old, huh? If it's so good, why didn't somebody drink it eight years ago?'

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

"Which wine would you pair with the complimentary bread and butter?"

'Which wine list would you like, Sir - Classics or Plonk?'

Too much cilantro

"Is the MSG local?"

"Hmmm ... you're right — I forgot the brie."

Countervailing Clichés.

"I'll have the egg-yellow omelette."

"No, my consomme was perfect, but my husbands calamari is a little underdone."

"All dishes marked with an asterisk are served with sarcasm. . ."

'We finished all the repairs in the cafeteria kitchen this morning, but the food still tastes lousy.'

"We've both made mistakes, Doug, but I consider the appetizers to be a thing of the past."

"Hey! There's a hair in my soup!"

"And exactly how is the peanut-butter-and-jelly prepared?"

'It's labour-saving because with this you'll be able to burn my meals much faster!'

"Nice try, Mom, but I'm going to go with a caterer."

"Oh joy. Looks like the turkey is almost done..."

'Someone's been tampering with this chicken. It tastes like chicken.'

Mrs. Robot attempts to improve her family's diet.

"Eggshell in omelette make Hulk angry!"

"This alphabet soup is in Times New Roman. I ordered Segoe Script! May I please speak to the chef?"

Happy hour.

"May I take your plate or are you still nibbling?"