Ironic Cookery Critic Pillows

'It's labour-saving because with this you'll be able to burn my meals much faster!'

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"Yo, Cézanne, paint faster. I need those grapes for the Madeira sauce."

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

View to the Future

'I'll have you know sir, that we used the finest columbian coffee beans in that dishwater.'

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

"Can Johnny come out and eat?"

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

Too much cilantro

"Hmmm ... you're right — I forgot the brie."

"Is the MSG local?"

"Which wine would you pair with the complimentary bread and butter?"

'Which wine list would you like, Sir - Classics or Plonk?'

Countervailing Clichés.

"I'll have the egg-yellow omelette."

"We've both made mistakes, Doug, but I consider the appetizers to be a thing of the past."

'We finished all the repairs in the cafeteria kitchen this morning, but the food still tastes lousy.'

"All dishes marked with an asterisk are served with sarcasm. . ."

"Nice try, Mom, but I'm going to go with a caterer."

"Oh joy. Looks like the turkey is almost done..."

'Someone's been tampering with this chicken. It tastes like chicken.'

"And exactly how is the peanut-butter-and-jelly prepared?"

"No, my consomme was perfect, but my husbands calamari is a little underdone."

Mrs. Robot attempts to improve her family's diet.

'Your fingers are in the soup?' - 'Of course they are. It's freezing in that kitchen.'

"Eggshell in omelette make Hulk angry!"

'We're not at home, Stu. You can't just order 'I don't care'.'

Happy hour.

"May I take your plate or are you still nibbling?"

"This alphabet soup is in Times New Roman. I ordered Segoe Script! May I please speak to the chef?"

"The Halloween Special is the pork and kraut. It'll come back and haunt you."

"We suggest you study the menu in our reading room before being seated in the dining room."

"Just so I’m understanding the menu, the ‘Old Forge wheel with rosemary-infused pancetta’ is essentially a $36 Hot Pocket?"