Ironic Chef Admirer Pillows

''For what we are about to receive' is burnt.'

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

It turns out they don't go together so well,

Health and Safety Gone Mad.

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

'I don't think that's what they mean by reducing the wine.'

'It's labour-saving because with this you'll be able to burn my meals much faster!'

"Actually, it wasn't so bad. One minute I was standing in line at the slaughterhouse...The next thing I knew, I was being basted in my own juices..."

Tuna Salad, Meat Loaf, Cheese Omelet and Bean Soup

'If you order...You can digest it in...'

Leftovers restaurant - for that unpretentious dining.

'Waiter! -- there's a candidate in my soup!'

TV Chef Cooking Range

Chef's Specials - Hissy Fits, Shouting and Swearing, Pompus Indigestion.

"Before I serve you dinner, it was in the chicken's last wishes that you watch his video will."

Fast Nouvelle Cuisine.

"I've been a chef for far too long...."

'In case of fire, don't panic. Pay your bill then leave.'

"And here you have a brown thing next to something greenish, with some sort of brown runny stuff underneath it."

Hot Halloween Costumes

'Our five-course dinners start with denial, followed by anger, bargaining, depression and finally acceptance.'

"Much of his cooking suffers from burn-out."

"I'm on a diet. Mini-size it!"

'The two things you cook best are meatloaf and apple pie!... Which one is this?'

Sun Dried Ice Cubes

'People soup again?'

Cook for 3 minutes stir, wait 30 years to discover if the contaminated ingredient gives you stomach cancer.

Noodle exchange program.

'... we've got a crowd of, oh I'd say fourteen million organisms here for the annual 'Salmonella potato salad bowl'!'

Outsaucing - A dollop of sauce has been put on a customer's plate from a long arm from afar.

Intolerant Chef

'This is not Hungarian stew. Sorry, the butcher ran out of Hungarians.'

Hot Dog... Flavored meat-like substances

Commie Chef.