Television Chef Admirer Pillows

"I'm afraid we only watch the cookery programmes."

'I sent out for everything.'

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

'I hope you like this, dear. I got the recipe from Gordon Ramses, latest cookery hieroglyphics.'

TV chef sets the TV on fire.

'Wait, wait, before you mix them, you have to say, 'Pow!'.'

The Good Feud Guide - 'Delia Smith does a nice roasted Worrall-Thompson.'

TV Chef Cooking Range

Chef's Specials - Hissy Fits, Shouting and Swearing, Pompus Indigestion.

Hot Halloween Costumes

'...now pour the mixture into a baking dish...'

'Nobody does curses like Gordon Ramsay.'

Woman watching cookery show on TV while cooking a microwave meal.

'Madam, we do not discuss Julia Child at Maison Henri.'

'Just call me Delia...'

"When did they add this channel?!"

Schoolgirl in canteen: 'The food's great but I wish they'd stop calling it 'pukka tukka'.'

'Now his mother's gone, she's nowhere to slink off to and watch tripe on t'telly!

'Add three eggs, a pinch of salt, two ounces of olive oil and the phone number of a local pizza in delivery in case this recipe doesn't work out.'

"You missed the garlic. The place went nuts when he added the garlic."

'Well excuse me, but if your chef's so great, why is he in the kitchen instead of a TV show?'

What salt shakers find amusing

"He's been watching all those cookery programmes."

John Toroda and Gregg Wallace