Television Chef Admirer Pillows

"I'm afraid we only watch the cookery programmes."

'I sent out for everything.'

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

'I hope you like this, dear. I got the recipe from Gordon Ramses, latest cookery hieroglyphics.'

TV chef sets the TV on fire.

'It's another cookery programme but It's aimed at children.'

'Wait, wait, before you mix them, you have to say, 'Pow!'.'

The Good Feud Guide - 'Delia Smith does a nice roasted Worrall-Thompson.'

TV Chef Cooking Range

Chef's Specials - Hissy Fits, Shouting and Swearing, Pompus Indigestion.

Cooking without Jamie Oliver

Hot Halloween Costumes

'...now pour the mixture into a baking dish...'

'Nobody does curses like Gordon Ramsay.'

'Have you been using that Hairy Bikers cookbook again'

Emeril John Lagassé III caricature

Woman watching cookery show on TV while cooking a microwave meal.

'Just call me Delia...'

'By the time I'd watched Delia and Ainsley and Jamie Oliver and Floyd...I'd spoiled the broth.'

'Madam, we do not discuss Julia Child at Maison Henri.'

'There's a Mr. Oliver to see you. Says he can save the world.'

"@#!!!%$ the critics!! Give me Bobby $#@!! Flay!!"

Mary Berry

"When did they add this channel?!"

Schoolgirl in canteen: 'The food's great but I wish they'd stop calling it 'pukka tukka'.'

"The George Foreman! I've got just the thing."

'Now his mother's gone, she's nowhere to slink off to and watch tripe on t'telly!

'Add three eggs, a pinch of salt, two ounces of olive oil and the phone number of a local pizza in delivery in case this recipe doesn't work out.'

Gordon Ramsay

Michael Symon

"You missed the garlic. The place went nuts when he added the garlic."

'Well excuse me, but if your chef's so great, why is he in the kitchen instead of a TV show?'

Jeremy Paxman

What salt shakers find amusing

'Amazing - No sooner do we invent cooking than we get the first celebrity chef.'