Celebrity Chef Admirer Pillows

'He says he doesn't give a toss about Jamie Oliver but, if you can get Kylie Minogue to approve it, he'll eat it.'

'Well excuse me, but if your chef's so great, why is he in the kitchen instead of a TV show?'

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

TV Chef Cooking Range

'I sent out for everything.'

'I hope you like this, dear. I got the recipe from Gordon Ramses, latest cookery hieroglyphics.'

"I specialise in themed dinners 'Titanic', 'Armageddon' , 'Towering Inferno'..."

'See? You call my look 'a midlife crisis' but for these guys it's a major TV series.'

How I met your mother

"If Sinatra had eaten here he'd have loved it."

'Now time for a coffee while hubby cleans up the mess.'

"Yes, he is a celebrity chef, but he doesn't have any opinions on Iraq."

The Good Feud Guide - 'Delia Smith does a nice roasted Worrall-Thompson.'

Skyscraper Chef's Hat.

"Well, he's a celebrity chef and the celebreties love his cooking."

Chef's Specials - Hissy Fits, Shouting and Swearing, Pompus Indigestion.

Woman reads Nigella Lawson cook book: 'Add butter to the mixture, remembering to moisten your lips ... whisk for three to four minutes, pouting throughout ...'

Cooking without Jamie Oliver

Emeril John Lagassé III caricature

Hot Halloween Costumes

'Celeb Foods: Damien Hurst's voles in brine.'

'Nobody does curses like Gordon Ramsay.'

'Have you been using that Hairy Bikers cookbook again'

"When Picasso was hungry he would swap a painting for a meal. Times change. I am a celebrity chef..."

Schoolgirl in canteen: 'The food's great but I wish they'd stop calling it 'pukka tukka'.'

'By the time I'd watched Delia and Ainsley and Jamie Oliver and Floyd...I'd spoiled the broth.'

'Sorry, viewers, I was going to show you one I made earlier but it's been scoffed by the second assistant sound engineer.'

"You've actually done something even Gordon Ramsay can't do-burn the salad!"

'Madam, we do not discuss Julia Child at Maison Henri.'

'And stir to a smooth consistency.'

'Just call me Delia...'

"@#!!!%$ the critics!! Give me Bobby $#@!! Flay!!"

"It's still stew but the celebrity chef wants to call it a deconstructed steak and ale pie with a dusting of salt in a brown sauce coulis."

'There's a Mr. Oliver to see you. Says he can save the world.'

Emeril Lagasse