Celebrity Chef Fan Pillows

Schoolgirl in canteen: 'The food's great but I wish they'd stop calling it 'pukka tukka'.'

'I hope you like this, dear. I got the recipe from Gordon Ramses, latest cookery hieroglyphics.'

'Just call me Delia...'

'Madam, we do not discuss Julia Child at Maison Henri.'

John Toroda and Gregg Wallace

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

'See? You call my look 'a midlife crisis' but for these guys it's a major TV series.'

'Dinner will be ready soon -- the submarine sandwiches are soaking now.'

"Yes, he is a celebrity chef, but he doesn't have any opinions on Iraq."

'Now time for a coffee while hubby cleans up the mess.'

How I met your mother

'Wait, wait, before you mix them, you have to say, 'Pow!'.'

"Well, he's a celebrity chef and the celebreties love his cooking."

The Good Feud Guide - 'Delia Smith does a nice roasted Worrall-Thompson.'

Skyscraper Chef's Hat.

TV Chef Cooking Range

Chef's Specials - Hissy Fits, Shouting and Swearing, Pompus Indigestion.

'Nobody does curses like Gordon Ramsay.'

'Celeb Foods: Damien Hurst's voles in brine.'

"When Picasso was hungry he would swap a painting for a meal. Times change. I am a celebrity chef..."

"Your mom's a very special person."

"Look at the size of this gas bill - you'll have to get rid of some of those celebrity chefs!!"

"It's still stew but the celebrity chef wants to call it a deconstructed steak and ale pie with a dusting of salt in a brown sauce coulis."

'And stir to a smooth consistency.'

"You've actually done something even Gordon Ramsay can't do-burn the salad!"

'Sorry, viewers, I was going to show you one I made earlier but it's been scoffed by the second assistant sound engineer.'

'I'm afraid we only publish A list celebrity cookbooks.'

Road Kill Cafe.

'Hello - is that Jamie Oliver?'

I'll say one thing for that chef on TV...he really makes deboning a chicken look easy.

"I'd rather be seared by Emeril than sauteed by Rachel."

Restaurant scene; diners are shown kneeling in reverence at their tables.

'Ready, steady, Operate'

Sweary Chef - A bad tempered chef swears at the fish he is about to prepare and the fish swears back.

Those who bought my cookbook with the transposed pages will get a refund. Those who actually enjoy Lobster Alfredo a la mode - bon app