Celebrity Chefs Pillows

'Hello - is that Jamie Oliver?'

"Yes, he is a celebrity chef, but he doesn't have any opinions on Iraq."

TV Chef Cooking Range

'I hope you like this, dear. I got the recipe from Gordon Ramses, latest cookery hieroglyphics.'

John Toroda and Gregg Wallace

"I'd rather be seared by Emeril than sauteed by Rachel."

"I blame all those ruddy celebrity chefs."

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

Chez Nous Menu

Night of the Latkes

"I cook the sausages in French mineral water, I wear a French beret and I can call you 'Monsieur'."

'I think I'll go home and eat'

'See? You call my look 'a midlife crisis' but for these guys it's a major TV series.'

"No thanks, I'm stuffed."

"De l'huile bouillante, pas du fromage fondu!"

An Advance Visit From The Three Wise Men

How I met your mother

'Our chickens are a real 'come back' story: raised organic, they hooked up with some seedy fowl, but then, thankfully, were saved by massive doses of antibiotics.'

'I wish I hadn't coloured in all that bread, now.'

"Do we really need the interactive garbage disposer?"

'Now time for a coffee while hubby cleans up the mess.'

Alphabet soup

The simultaneous development of dining and pomposity.

Skyscraper Chef's Hat.

"Well, he's a celebrity chef and the celebreties love his cooking."

"It said on the packet the pasta should act as a vehicle for the sauce."

'Hello, Ebeneezer! It's me - the ghost of coming dinner!'

The Good Feud Guide - 'Delia Smith does a nice roasted Worrall-Thompson.'

Chef's Specials - Hissy Fits, Shouting and Swearing, Pompus Indigestion.

Beef Stew.

Mozart eating noodles.

'Celeb Foods: Damien Hurst's voles in brine.'

'I think we've done it, Igor! This will be the hot new sports drink of the summer!'

'Nobody does curses like Gordon Ramsay.'

"When Picasso was hungry he would swap a painting for a meal. Times change. I am a celebrity chef..."