Chef Admirers Pillows

'Even widescreen struggles to fit them in.'

'I sent out for everything.'

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

'I hope you like this, dear. I got the recipe from Gordon Ramses, latest cookery hieroglyphics.'

Fast Food Menu Selections

The Good Feud Guide - 'Delia Smith does a nice roasted Worrall-Thompson.'

TV Chef Cooking Range

Chef's Specials - Hissy Fits, Shouting and Swearing, Pompus Indigestion.

Emeril John Lagassé III caricature

Hot Halloween Costumes

Cooking without Jamie Oliver

"I don't like it."

'There's a Mr. Oliver to see you. Says he can save the world.'

'Madam, we do not discuss Julia Child at Maison Henri.'

'Just call me Delia...'

'By the time I'd watched Delia and Ainsley and Jamie Oliver and Floyd...I'd spoiled the broth.'

Schoolgirl in canteen: 'The food's great but I wish they'd stop calling it 'pukka tukka'.'

"@#!!!%$ the critics!! Give me Bobby $#@!! Flay!!"

'Hello - is that Jamie Oliver?'

"Potatoes too salty? Look, buster ??" I told you to enjoy your meal!"

"The George Foreman! I've got just the thing."

Michael Symon

The Second-to-last Supper.

'Well excuse me, but if your chef's so great, why is he in the kitchen instead of a TV show?'

John Toroda and Gregg Wallace

'Please remember, it's the ambience you're paying for here.'

What salt shakers find amusing

"Hey Bob, come quick, I've found a carcass, and big bonus: It's crawling with maggots!"

'Amazing - No sooner do we invent cooking than we get the first celebrity chef.'

'Noooo! You idiot! For crying out loud! Sear it first! Then a slow oven.'

''Mediterranean cooking', well we've got Jamie Oliver, Delia Smith, Gordon Ramsay and some Italian I've never heard of...'

'Look at the size of this gas bill - you'll have to get rid of some of those celebrity chefs!!'

Death of the cook

'And this is Mario Batali. Of course, he's not the Mario Batali.'

"It's exactly how Jamie Oliver would make it if he couldn't afford half the ingredients either!"