Ironic Chef Admirer Gifts

''For what we are about to receive' is burnt.'

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

It turns out they don't go together so well,

Health and Safety Gone Mad.

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

Get your no-turkey recipes here! Eco club. Go veggie for T-day! No thanks! I like turkey, sausage, stuffing, creamed onions with bacon and mincemeat pie. I figured as much. How can you tell? Gut check. That's my gut reaction, too.

'I don't think that's what they mean by reducing the wine.'

'It's labour-saving because with this you'll be able to burn my meals much faster!'

Tuna Salad, Meat Loaf, Cheese Omelet and Bean Soup

'If you order...You can digest it in...'

Leftovers restaurant - for that unpretentious dining.

"Actually, it wasn't so bad. One minute I was standing in line at the slaughterhouse...The next thing I knew, I was being basted in my own juices..."

TV Chef Cooking Range

'Waiter! -- there's a candidate in my soup!'

Chef's Specials - Hissy Fits, Shouting and Swearing, Pompus Indigestion.

"Before I serve you dinner, it was in the chicken's last wishes that you watch his video will."

Fast Nouvelle Cuisine.

'In case of fire, don't panic. Pay your bill then leave.'

"I've been a chef for far too long...."

Hot Halloween Costumes

"And here you have a brown thing next to something greenish, with some sort of brown runny stuff underneath it."

'Our five-course dinners start with denial, followed by anger, bargaining, depression and finally acceptance.'

'People soup again?'

"I'm on a diet. Mini-size it!"

'The two things you cook best are meatloaf and apple pie!... Which one is this?'

Sun Dried Ice Cubes

"Much of his cooking suffers from burn-out."

Noodle exchange program.

Cook for 3 minutes stir, wait 30 years to discover if the contaminated ingredient gives you stomach cancer.

'... we've got a crowd of, oh I'd say fourteen million organisms here for the annual 'Salmonella potato salad bowl'!'

'This is not Hungarian stew. Sorry, the butcher ran out of Hungarians.'

Intolerant Chef

Outsaucing - A dollop of sauce has been put on a customer's plate from a long arm from afar.

Hot Dog... Flavored meat-like substances

"True, the fly is not in my soup. But it took one taste of my soup and dropped dead."