Culinary Critic Chuckles Pillows

... Harold at the stomach pump.

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

"Yo, Cézanne, paint faster. I need those grapes for the Madeira sauce."

'I'll have you know sir, that we used the finest columbian coffee beans in that dishwater.'

View to the Future

'Eight years old, huh? If it's so good, why didn't somebody drink it eight years ago?'

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

Health and Safety Gone Mad.

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

Too much cilantro

'Which wine list would you like, Sir - Classics or Plonk?'

"Can Johnny come out and eat?"

"Which wine would you pair with the complimentary bread and butter?"

"Is the MSG local?"

"Hmmm ... you're right — I forgot the brie."

Countervailing Clichés.

"I'll have the egg-yellow omelette."

"All dishes marked with an asterisk are served with sarcasm. . ."

'It's labour-saving because with this you'll be able to burn my meals much faster!'

'We finished all the repairs in the cafeteria kitchen this morning, but the food still tastes lousy.'

'Someone's been tampering with this chicken. It tastes like chicken.'

"Oh joy. Looks like the turkey is almost done..."

"Nice try, Mom, but I'm going to go with a caterer."

"No, my consomme was perfect, but my husbands calamari is a little underdone."

"We've both made mistakes, Doug, but I consider the appetizers to be a thing of the past."

"And exactly how is the peanut-butter-and-jelly prepared?"

Mrs. Robot attempts to improve her family's diet.

"Eggshell in omelette make Hulk angry!"

Happy hour.

"We suggest you study the menu in our reading room before being seated in the dining room."