Food Critic Humorist Pillows

"Yuck. I could make better crêpes fourrées aux boeufs brouillés au parmesan myself."

"Hold on! A new study says those are actually bad for you."

"Not here,sir - I suggest you try the church next door."

"The Halloween Special is the pork and kraut. It'll come back and haunt you."

"Your apple surprise, sir."

"True, the fly is not in my soup. But it took one taste of my soup and dropped dead."

"War is hell and so is this soup."

Lesser known greek gods,

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

'Take of the fruit and eat . . . Well, peanuts actually.'

'I think I'll go home and eat'

"I read somewhere that truffles are a gateway fungus."

"Can Johnny come out and eat?"

The British Territory of the South Sandwich Islands.

'Lining my pockets with aluminum foil so I can sneak Thanksgiving leftovers home.'

"I'll have the spaghetti, does that come on toast?"

Garlic Free Zone.

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

'I think it's more than a coincidence that I discover fire, and my wife discovers burnt food on the same day.'

'Yes, I am impressed at how fast you got here, but where's my pizza?'

"Can you turn these mashed potatoes into french fries?"

"The salad should be delicious. We ordered it with lots of extra bacon bits."

"Waiter, there's a hare in my salad!"

'I take it that the birthday cake is for this old trout you just served me?'

Cat eats date.

"The prices they charge here, you'd expect them to have an oven not just a gas ring!"

"I'm just the bus boy but I'll be ignoring you also."

'Look, I know it's artificial orange, but you're sick, I say, sick.'

'We just invented cooking yesterday, and already she's serving leftovers!'

Cupcake jumps out of cake.

'Well you said you wanted sushi for lunch.'

'Remember to eat your 500,000 a day son!'

"May I offer you a side of life insurance?"

"I don't know where to begin, each dish has its own app."