Food Critic Humor Pillows

'Oh waiter... there are no flies in my soup!'

'Welcome monsieur et madame, may I take your coats, gloves and savings?'

"I don't want any of that old stuff you tried to palm me off with last time!"

Dear, this is the third time we've had broccoli casserole since you declared an end of major hostilities.

'Whoa, this is an exiguous amount of cheese for $25.00, you need to put on a tie.'

"Your egg is bad? Don't blame me, I only laid the table!"

'Put an egg in the bowl and beat it with the whisk.'

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

"Just bring me something that's going to look good on social media."

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

"This place is one of New York's best-kept secrets."

"States of tofu"

"When I was your age. I was really smelly."

Cow's Last Will and Testament.

"You said the cauliflower is locally grown – would you elaborate?"

'Oh, and I suppose I'm the only one who's ever heard it's a 'dog eat dog world'?'

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

6 Brothers Falafel

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

Self Service Restaurant: 'Where do you keep the eggs?'

Newton discovers gravity and apple sauce in the same day.

#Thanksgiving #Nofilter

"War is hell and so is this soup."

"You say your crème needs more Brulée?"

"Rump roast?"

Lesser known greek gods,

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

"Maybe if we added some pumpkin spice?"

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

"Something's wrong with the broccoli. Please take it back to the kitchen and have it genetically modified."

'Wait until you taste the artisanal water. It's not to be believed.'

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."