Culinary Critic Chuckles Gifts

... Harold at the stomach pump.

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"Vintage? What would you like it to be?"

"Yo, Cézanne, paint faster. I need those grapes for the Madeira sauce."

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

"Something romantic, perhaps?"

'I'll have you know sir, that we used the finest columbian coffee beans in that dishwater.'

View to the Future

'Eight years old, huh? If it's so good, why didn't somebody drink it eight years ago?'

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

"It's good to know she was butchered for a noble cause."

"Is the MSG local?"

'Which wine list would you like, Sir - Classics or Plonk?'

"Can Johnny come out and eat?"

Health and Safety Gone Mad.

"Which wine would you pair with the complimentary bread and butter?"

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

Too much cilantro

"Hmmm ... you're right — I forgot the brie."

Countervailing Clichés.

Get your no-turkey recipes here! Eco club. Go veggie for T-day! No thanks! I like turkey, sausage, stuffing, creamed onions with bacon and mincemeat pie. I figured as much. How can you tell? Gut check. That's my gut reaction, too.

"I'll have the egg-yellow omelette."

"And exactly how is the peanut-butter-and-jelly prepared?"

"Oh joy. Looks like the turkey is almost done..."

"All dishes marked with an asterisk are served with sarcasm. . ."

'Someone's been tampering with this chicken. It tastes like chicken.'

"How do you know you don't like New York if you've never even tasted it?"

"Nice try, Mom, but I'm going to go with a caterer."

"We've both made mistakes, Doug, but I consider the appetizers to be a thing of the past."

"No, my consomme was perfect, but my husbands calamari is a little underdone."

'We finished all the repairs in the cafeteria kitchen this morning, but the food still tastes lousy.'

'It's labour-saving because with this you'll be able to burn my meals much faster!'

Mrs. Robot attempts to improve her family's diet.

"Eggshell in omelette make Hulk angry!"

"This alphabet soup is in Times New Roman. I ordered Segoe Script! May I please speak to the chef?"