Food Critic Chuckler Gifts

'The items with the little hearts will clog your arteries the fastest.'

"Richard's not a foodie - he's a boozie."

The Lunch Trough Restaurant

"Can Johnny come out and eat?"

'Take of the fruit and eat . . . Well, peanuts actually.'

The British Territory of the South Sandwich Islands.

'I think I'll go home and eat'

'Lining my pockets with aluminum foil so I can sneak Thanksgiving leftovers home.'

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

'Yes, I am impressed at how fast you got here, but where's my pizza?'

"I'm just the bus boy but I'll be ignoring you also."

"I hear they serve Australian swamp rat in first."

"The prices they charge here, you'd expect them to have an oven not just a gas ring!"

Seafood: "Of course our food is fresh."

"May I offer you a side of life insurance?"

"Something will fall down from the sky and it will be the end of the world - just because you didn't eat all of your carrion for lunch, my boy!"

"The Halloween Special is the pork and kraut. It'll come back and haunt you."

"I don't know where to begin, each dish has its own app."

'We just invented cooking yesterday, and already she's serving leftovers!'

You are what you eat (Nuts).

Weight Loss Counselor, out for a 400 calorie lunch.

'And it comes with oven mitts, butter, sour cream and chives.'

NASA, 'I thought YOU were bringing a can opener!'

"[Old Steak Bone Tavern]"

Uncle Giving Boy a Mince Pie

'Today's special is yesterday's left-overs.'

"Obviously, sir, it's a very discerning, vegetarian fly."

People who steal food out of the fridge at work and then say...

"My lord, Sir Arthur is pleased to bid thee welcome to his food court."

'Waiter, there's a bank in the soup.'

'Are these mushrooms or toadstools? And why are you holding a stomach pump?.'

Bagel problems.

"They're going to print a retraction - your desserts are not inconsistent."

'The escargots are underdone.'

'In case of fire, don't panic. Pay your bill then leave.'