Ironic Food Critic Gifts

'Perfect with fish?' ... That's sick!'

Grim reaper with a food stand saying "Heart attack on a plate"

"Jamie Oliver, Gordon Ramsey, Master Chef, The Hairy Bikers and Bake Off - that's your five a day - now get to bed!"

"Can Johnny come out and eat?"

'It's labour-saving because with this you'll be able to burn my meals much faster!'

"How do you know you don't like New York if you've never even tasted it?"

"The Halloween Special is the pork and kraut. It'll come back and haunt you."

Cambridge dons eat a banquet outside to prove they only get one chicken each.

Vegetables VS Junk Food.

Free Range Chickens

Organic foods stand manned by stallholder using fly spray.

'Are these mushrooms or toadstools? And why are you holding a stomach pump?.'

'Waiter, there's a bank in the soup.'

Waiter indicates cutlery for diner's tiny meal, saying: 'The one on the right is your mangnifying glass, sir.'

Milk Toast: One of the World's Most Deadly Foods!

"Tell me, is a single spaghetti a spaghetus or what?"

The real reason salad aids weight loss

'Waiter...!' (there is a human in my soup)

'Oh waiter... there are no flies in my soup!'

Dear, this is the third time we've had broccoli casserole since you declared an end of major hostilities.

"Just eat me, you intolerable pervert."

'I'm afraid I'll have to get rid of you Simpkins. You're not good for business.'

"True, the fly is not in my soup. But it took one taste of my soup and dropped dead."

Seminar on Obesity in the Workplace.

"I hate how we stigmatize eating by calling it a feeding frenzy."

'Welcome monsieur et madame, may I take your coats, gloves and savings?'

'And the winner for best supporting animal in a frozen ready meal goes to...'

"They're quite fatty, so to relieve your guilt I made sure they taste terrible."

'I spent the afternoon over a $500 lunch explaining how bad business is.'

'Trying to sell these things is like flogging a dead horse.'

Price and serving size: A guide.

'If you haven't got a low fat, organic, calorie free, ethically produced, free range option... I'll have the double chocolate cheesecake.'

'Quadruple by-product.'

'Wait a minute...did you just double-dip?'

Rice Cakes Gone Wild