Ironic Food Aficionado Gifts

"Are all of your carcinogens produced locally?"

Lockdown casserole

Where 'Turkey Bacon" Comes From

Cooking with Pierre

Cambridge dons eat a banquet outside to prove they only get one chicken each.

Vegetables VS Junk Food.

Free Range Chickens

Organic foods stand manned by stallholder using fly spray.

'I hate it when they order scrambled eggs.' (chef shaking chicken).

Waiter indicates cutlery for diner's tiny meal, saying: 'The one on the right is your mangnifying glass, sir.'

Murderous Chef

Milk Toast: One of the World's Most Deadly Foods!

"Of course our GM vegetables are safe, Madam, they told us so themselves!"

'Trust me, Madam, that fish is fresh!'

'Apparently, the carrot cake really is to die for.'

'I tried the new restaurant today: they have a three course menu...'

And then I said, "Gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble ..." So he said "Gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble ..." Of course, I had to say, "Gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble ..." It happens every year -0 the turkey never fails to put him to sleep!"

"You're not totally useless around the house - you make a great appetite suppressant."

'Whale DNA was added to my embryo and now all I crave is plankton.'

Dinner at the Mortgage Restaurant.

'They're not hot - my mom said they were 'chilly peppers'?'

"There's a little jelly or something on your chin."

'I'm afraid I'll have to get rid of you Simpkins. You're not good for business.'

Seminar on Obesity in the Workplace.

'Gentlemen, tonight's special is broiled sea urchin, with raspberries, over candy corn, with a goat's milk sauce. I would suggest a wine to recommend with it, had I attended sommelier school in the Twilight Zone.'

"They're quite fatty, so to relieve your guilt I made sure they taste terrible."

The Trace Adkins Diet

'Of course this is the freshest free range steak, sir! You can even see the tyre tracks on it!'

"Every night it's Roll Play with you."

'This the plan...we will make the clients think that there is a contest, and the winner will be the first one who finds a finger in the soup.'

Be aware of what your food is up to: protect yourself against snack attacks.

Where 'Stewed Tomatoes' come from.

Suicidal Sheep: '101 Ways with Mint Sauce.'

'If you haven't got a low fat, organic, calorie free, ethically produced, free range option... I'll have the double chocolate cheesecake.'

'Perfect with fish?' ... That's sick!'