Ironic Food Enthusiast Gifts

Strict Diet,

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

Lockdown casserole

"The salad should be delicious. We ordered it with lots of extra bacon bits."

Where 'Turkey Bacon" Comes From

As I say, local produce, locally produced; all our meats tonight come form our local meat processing plant.

Cambridge dons eat a banquet outside to prove they only get one chicken each.

Vegetables VS Junk Food.

Free Range Chickens

Milk Toast: One of the World's Most Deadly Foods!

Organic foods stand manned by stallholder using fly spray.

'I hate it when they order scrambled eggs.' (chef shaking chicken).

Waiter indicates cutlery for diner's tiny meal, saying: 'The one on the right is your mangnifying glass, sir.'

Murderous Chef

"Of course our GM vegetables are safe, Madam, they told us so themselves!"

'Trust me, Madam, that fish is fresh!'

'I tried the new restaurant today: they have a three course menu...'

'Apparently, the carrot cake really is to die for.'

And then I said, "Gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble ..." So he said "Gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble ..." Of course, I had to say, "Gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble, gobble ..." It happens every year -0 the turkey never fails to put him to sleep!"

'Whale DNA was added to my embryo and now all I crave is plankton.'

"You're not totally useless around the house - you make a great appetite suppressant."

"There's a little jelly or something on your chin."

'I'm afraid I'll have to get rid of you Simpkins. You're not good for business.'

'They're not hot - my mom said they were 'chilly peppers'?'

"May your year be pear-fect."

Seminar on Obesity in the Workplace.

"They're quite fatty, so to relieve your guilt I made sure they taste terrible."

"Every night it's Roll Play with you."

The Trace Adkins Diet

'Of course this is the freshest free range steak, sir! You can even see the tyre tracks on it!'

'Gentlemen, tonight's special is broiled sea urchin, with raspberries, over candy corn, with a goat's milk sauce. I would suggest a wine to recommend with it, had I attended sommelier school in the Twilight Zone.'

'This the plan...we will make the clients think that there is a contest, and the winner will be the first one who finds a finger in the soup.'

Be aware of what your food is up to: protect yourself against snack attacks.

Suicidal Sheep: '101 Ways with Mint Sauce.'

Where 'Stewed Tomatoes' come from.