Ironical Foodie Gifts

'Unexpected item in bagging area.'

'Today's specials are some wonderful things the chef does with 'Hungry Man Dinners'.'

Vegetables VS Junk Food.

"Now, in contrast to the last olive oil you tasted, this one is infused with sixty-five more dollars."

'Would you care for some fresh pepper? Well too bad, because all we have is these dried up old peppercorns.'

As I say, local produce, locally produced; all our meats tonight come form our local meat processing plant.

Cambridge dons eat a banquet outside to prove they only get one chicken each.

'This is gluten free, isn't it?'

The world's worst restaurant. Now under new bad management.

Free Range Chickens

Milk Toast: One of the World's Most Deadly Foods!

1% Cereal: Now with marshmallow dollar signs.

Waiter indicates cutlery for diner's tiny meal, saying: 'The one on the right is your mangnifying glass, sir.'

Organic foods stand manned by stallholder using fly spray.

'Careful, the plate is really hot.'

Shrimp cook

"I recommend the businessman's lunch, sir, mammon notwithstanding."

"Just keep your eyes closed - it'll only upset you."

Outsaucing - A dollop of sauce has been put on a customer's plate from a long arm from afar.

'I'm afraid I'll have to get rid of you Simpkins. You're not good for business.'

"Trust you to pick a restaurant that serves indigestion tablets rather than after dinner mints."

"Oh, no thank you. I’m rumaki-free."

'You'd better cut it into six pieces I don't think I could eat eight!'

'Calorie averaging...with the oven-fresh trip-el burger, you get...one French fry.'

"May your year be pear-fect."

Seminar on Obesity in the Workplace.

"They're quite fatty, so to relieve your guilt I made sure they taste terrible."

'Do you have anything that's not fried?'

'I spent the afternoon over a $500 lunch explaining how bad business is.'

'Brace yourself, dear. The doctor says I'm allergic to lousy cooking.'

Waitrose Vegan Burgers

"You all here? Sonny Primero? Big Guiseppe? Carmine? Al Fresco? Wait, where's Al Fresco?" "He's outside."

'Andy STILL hasn't got the hang of spaghetti..'

"....My wife and I are strict humanitarians."

'Upsize your children' - 20 to 25 % of children are obese.