Culinary Critic Enthusiast Pillows

"Zagat gave this place a 27 for gawking."

'I suggest we try somewhere else.'

"Vintage? What would you like it to be?"

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

"Yo, Cézanne, paint faster. I need those grapes for the Madeira sauce."

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

"Something romantic, perhaps?"

'I'll have you know sir, that we used the finest columbian coffee beans in that dishwater.'

View to the Future

'Eight years old, huh? If it's so good, why didn't somebody drink it eight years ago?'

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

'I think I'll go home and eat'

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

Too much cilantro

"It's good to know she was butchered for a noble cause."

"Is the MSG local?"

"Hmmm ... you're right — I forgot the brie."

'Which wine list would you like, Sir - Classics or Plonk?'

"Which wine would you pair with the complimentary bread and butter?"

Countervailing Clichés.

"I'll have the egg-yellow omelette."

"Oh joy. Looks like the turkey is almost done..."

"No, my consomme was perfect, but my husbands calamari is a little underdone."

"Nice try, Mom, but I'm going to go with a caterer."

'Someone's been tampering with this chicken. It tastes like chicken.'

"And exactly how is the peanut-butter-and-jelly prepared?"

'We finished all the repairs in the cafeteria kitchen this morning, but the food still tastes lousy.'

"Hey! There's a hair in my soup!"

"We've both made mistakes, Doug, but I consider the appetizers to be a thing of the past."

"All dishes marked with an asterisk are served with sarcasm. . ."

Mrs. Robot attempts to improve her family's diet.

"May I take your plate or are you still nibbling?"

"I know you've been waiting a long time, but the Pearls were here before you."