Culinary Critic Enthusiast T-Shirts

"Zagat gave this place a 27 for gawking."

'I suggest we try somewhere else.'

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

"Yo, Cézanne, paint faster. I need those grapes for the Madeira sauce."

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

View to the Future

'I'll have you know sir, that we used the finest columbian coffee beans in that dishwater.'

'Eight years old, huh? If it's so good, why didn't somebody drink it eight years ago?'

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

'I think I'll go home and eat'

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

Too much cilantro

'Which wine list would you like, Sir - Classics or Plonk?'

"Is the MSG local?"

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

"Hmmm ... you're right — I forgot the brie."

"Which wine would you pair with the complimentary bread and butter?"

Countervailing Clichés.

"I'll have the egg-yellow omelette."

"And exactly how is the peanut-butter-and-jelly prepared?"

"Oh joy. Looks like the turkey is almost done..."

"No, my consomme was perfect, but my husbands calamari is a little underdone."

"Nice try, Mom, but I'm going to go with a caterer."

"Hey! There's a hair in my soup!"

"All dishes marked with an asterisk are served with sarcasm. . ."

'Someone's been tampering with this chicken. It tastes like chicken.'

'We finished all the repairs in the cafeteria kitchen this morning, but the food still tastes lousy.'

"We've both made mistakes, Doug, but I consider the appetizers to be a thing of the past."

Mrs. Robot attempts to improve her family's diet.

"This alphabet soup is in Times New Roman. I ordered Segoe Script! May I please speak to the chef?"

Happy hour.

"Eggshell in omelette make Hulk angry!"

"We suggest you study the menu in our reading room before being seated in the dining room."