Culinary Critic At Heart T-Shirts

"I like the Pasteurs, but my goodness – boiled tomato juice, boiled fish with boiled lettuce, boiled bread, boiled salad..."

"You might try the Trout Almandine - it's just swimming in credit card debt."

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"Vintage? What would you like it to be?"

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

"Yo, Cézanne, paint faster. I need those grapes for the Madeira sauce."

View to the Future

"Something romantic, perhaps?"

'I'll have you know sir, that we used the finest columbian coffee beans in that dishwater.'

'Eight years old, huh? If it's so good, why didn't somebody drink it eight years ago?'

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

"Which wine would you pair with the complimentary bread and butter?"

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

'Which wine list would you like, Sir - Classics or Plonk?'

"Hmmm ... you're right — I forgot the brie."

"Is the MSG local?"

"It's good to know she was butchered for a noble cause."

Too much cilantro

Countervailing Clichés.

"I'll have the egg-yellow omelette."

"And exactly how is the peanut-butter-and-jelly prepared?"

'We finished all the repairs in the cafeteria kitchen this morning, but the food still tastes lousy.'

"Nice try, Mom, but I'm going to go with a caterer."

"No, my consomme was perfect, but my husbands calamari is a little underdone."

'Someone's been tampering with this chicken. It tastes like chicken.'

"Hey! There's a hair in my soup!"

"Oh joy. Looks like the turkey is almost done..."

"We've both made mistakes, Doug, but I consider the appetizers to be a thing of the past."

"All dishes marked with an asterisk are served with sarcasm. . ."

Mrs. Robot attempts to improve her family's diet.

'We're not at home, Stu. You can't just order 'I don't care'.'

"I know you've been waiting a long time, but the Pearls were here before you."

"Just so I’m understanding the menu, the ‘Old Forge wheel with rosemary-infused pancetta’ is essentially a $36 Hot Pocket?"

"May I take your plate or are you still nibbling?"