Cereal Critic Gifts

'One serving provides you with your minimum yearly requirement of sugar.'

"Rise & shine!" - Product 19

'Hold it - this one only has seven percent insect parts.'

'This has no fat, no carbohydrates, no sugar, no ribolflavin... hey this box is empty!'

The first six ingredients in this cereal are sugar!

The Additives Arrive...'This cereal tastes like it has some sodium propionate in it.'

"High in fibre, low in salt and saturated fats. Unfortunately that's the box, the cereal is full of all sorts of crap!"

Breakfast of champions

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

"Just bring me something that's going to look good on social media."

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

"When I was your age. I was really smelly."

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"This place is one of New York's best-kept secrets."

Cow's Last Will and Testament.

'Why, of course I remember our first date -- I had filet mignon, potatoes au gratin, sauteed....'

'Oh, and I suppose I'm the only one who's ever heard it's a 'dog eat dog world'?'

"Yo, Cézanne, paint faster. I need those grapes for the Madeira sauce."

6 Brothers Falafel

"You said the cauliflower is locally grown – would you elaborate?"

"I have no idea what, hic, went wrong. I did everything, hic, Mario Batali said."

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

Self Service Restaurant: 'Where do you keep the eggs?'

Newton discovers gravity and apple sauce in the same day.

#Thanksgiving #Nofilter

"You say your crème needs more Brulée?"

"War is hell and so is this soup."

"Rump roast?"

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

'I'll have you know sir, that we used the finest columbian coffee beans in that dishwater.'

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

View to the Future

"Maybe if we added some pumpkin spice?"

'Eight years old, huh? If it's so good, why didn't somebody drink it eight years ago?'