Cereal Satirist Gifts

Most Unpopular Cereals.

Breakfast cereal in the Treasury.

It turns out they don't go together so well,

Honest Vending

"Two vegans, please."

Health and Safety Gone Mad.

The Official Covid-19 Diet

Get your no-turkey recipes here! Eco club. Go veggie for T-day! No thanks! I like turkey, sausage, stuffing, creamed onions with bacon and mincemeat pie. I figured as much. How can you tell? Gut check. That's my gut reaction, too.

Vending machines with junk food: 'Zing!', 'Zoom!' and 'Crash!'

"Actually, it wasn't so bad. One minute I was standing in line at the slaughterhouse...The next thing I knew, I was being basted in my own juices..."

Tuna Salad, Meat Loaf, Cheese Omelet and Bean Soup

'If you order...You can digest it in...'

You are what you eat (Nuts).

Breakfast surreal.

"And here you have a brown thing next to something greenish, with some sort of brown runny stuff underneath it."

'In case of fire, don't panic. Pay your bill then leave.'

"We upped the protein by simply factoring in the permissible level of insect parts."

'Are these mushrooms or toadstools? And why are you holding a stomach pump?.'

'The items with the little hearts will clog your arteries the fastest.'

"I'm on a diet. Mini-size it!"

"Is this because I didn’t eat my kale?"

'If the drain's clogged with food, why not clean it out with some high fiber bran flakes?'

The real reason salad aids weight loss

"... And that's an 18-pound piece of tofu I shot at Whole Foods."

'People soup again?'

Outsaucing - A dollop of sauce has been put on a customer's plate from a long arm from afar.

Hot Dog... Flavored meat-like substances

The Additives Arrive...'This cereal tastes like it has some sodium propionate in it.'

"There is some evidence that chocolate can be good for you... But the health benefits tend to fade after the first 20 kilos."

I Can't Believe It's Not Fake News

"What's healthy about breakfast cereals?"

The 60 Hour Gourmet Recipe For People Who Have Time To Spare And Then Some.

'The Cod's off, but you can have whale and chips.'

'I hate it when they take the food pyramid, mix it all together and serve it in a trough!'

"I used to be a foodie. Now I'm a fussy glutton."