Agricultural Satirist Gifts

Production in times of pandemic

A sure sign of rain

'We're taking over tonight, it's the only way to save the farm.'

Scarecrows guarding a field

'That GMO gene salesman was darn right!'

'How are you at thinking outside the flocks?'

"I was hoping Calvin would grow up to be top sirloin..."

"I guess it must be that new growth hormone the farmer gave me!"

'That hussy. She's always first in line for insemination.'

'The cow that jumped over the moon, was she on some kind of growth hormones?'

A Tongue Stud.

'I finnaly located what was causing that hissing sound on the tractor.'

'This is your third speeding ticket in a week. Sure your horse didn't get into some genetically modified hay?'

'Oh quit griping and be thankful we even got a bonus this year!'

"... And that's an 18-pound piece of tofu I shot at Whole Foods."

They're Brazillian!

Experimental Free Range Guinea Pigs For Sale.

"I get aroused when I see you in leather."

'AAAAH! MILK LEECH!'

'That's a definite 'no' to us being a zombie then?'

'He always gets that way when I ask him about our retirement plan,'

"We're raising them for turkey bacon."

Early Ram Raids

'The fruiter surmised that the zineb caused catface.'

'Oh, I didn't know we had a mating call!'

Cow Fishing on the mighty tundra.

'Mmm thanks for the delicious blueberry lolly chaps.'

'Will someone fetch me that new dairy maid?'

"Oh lord, I think we're in a Japanese horror movie!"

"Farmers are always complaining about the amount of paperwork that Europe generates...but if you use your imagination then you can turn it to your advantage!"

"Oh no. Not the niblets."

"Frank! You're early! I never wanted you to see me like this!!"

Number 1, check your grass to air ratio!

"When you've been farming as long as I have,you just kinda know when a cow's ready for milking."

Bar Code Harvester