Cereal Satirist Pillows

Breakfast cereal in the Treasury.

It turns out they don't go together so well,

"Two vegans, please."

Honest Vending

Health and Safety Gone Mad.

Vending machines with junk food: 'Zing!', 'Zoom!' and 'Crash!'

'If you order...You can digest it in...'

"Actually, it wasn't so bad. One minute I was standing in line at the slaughterhouse...The next thing I knew, I was being basted in my own juices..."

Tuna Salad, Meat Loaf, Cheese Omelet and Bean Soup

You are what you eat (Nuts).

Breakfast surreal.

"We upped the protein by simply factoring in the permissible level of insect parts."

"And here you have a brown thing next to something greenish, with some sort of brown runny stuff underneath it."

'Are these mushrooms or toadstools? And why are you holding a stomach pump?.'

'In case of fire, don't panic. Pay your bill then leave.'

'The items with the little hearts will clog your arteries the fastest.'

'If the drain's clogged with food, why not clean it out with some high fiber bran flakes?'

"I'm on a diet. Mini-size it!"

"... And that's an 18-pound piece of tofu I shot at Whole Foods."

"Is this because I didn’t eat my kale?"

The real reason salad aids weight loss

'People soup again?'

Outsaucing - A dollop of sauce has been put on a customer's plate from a long arm from afar.

"There is some evidence that chocolate can be good for you... But the health benefits tend to fade after the first 20 kilos."

Hot Dog... Flavored meat-like substances

"What's healthy about breakfast cereals?"

The Additives Arrive...'This cereal tastes like it has some sodium propionate in it.'

I Can't Believe It's Not Fake News

The 60 Hour Gourmet Recipe For People Who Have Time To Spare And Then Some.

'The Cod's off, but you can have whale and chips.'

'Tonight you will be enjoying Howard, a happily raised free range chicken slaughtered no ten miles from here. He is accompanied by his wife, Lily, who ironically sautes opposite your own wife.'

'Trying to sell these things is like flogging a dead horse.'

"I used to be a foodie. Now I'm a fussy glutton."

"Unbelievable! Even Internet cookies made me gain weight."