Superfood Satirist Pillows

"Is this because I didn’t eat my kale?"

"Two vegans, please."

Health and Safety Gone Mad.

Vending machines with junk food: 'Zing!', 'Zoom!' and 'Crash!'

'If you order...You can digest it in...'

"Actually, it wasn't so bad. One minute I was standing in line at the slaughterhouse...The next thing I knew, I was being basted in my own juices..."

"Just so I’m understanding the menu, the ‘Old Forge wheel with rosemary-infused pancetta’ is essentially a $36 Hot Pocket?"

Tuna Salad, Meat Loaf, Cheese Omelet and Bean Soup

You are what you eat (Nuts).

The world's worst restaurant. Now under new bad management.

The BLTR (the bacon, lettuce, tomato, revolution)

Beef Stew.

"We upped the protein by simply factoring in the permissible level of insect parts."

1% Cereal: Now with marshmallow dollar signs.

"And here you have a brown thing next to something greenish, with some sort of brown runny stuff underneath it."

'In case of fire, don't panic. Pay your bill then leave.'

'Are these mushrooms or toadstools? And why are you holding a stomach pump?.'

'The items with the little hearts will clog your arteries the fastest.'

"Of course our GM vegetables are safe, Madam, they told us so themselves!"

Breakfast cereal in the Treasury.

'People soup again?'

"I'm on a diet. Mini-size it!"

"I recommend the businessman's lunch, sir, mammon notwithstanding."

The real reason salad aids weight loss

Outsaucing - A dollop of sauce has been put on a customer's plate from a long arm from afar.

Hot Dog... Flavored meat-like substances

'Calorie averaging...with the oven-fresh trip-el burger, you get...one French fry.'

Fat angel eating halo like doughnut

"There is some evidence that chocolate can be good for you... But the health benefits tend to fade after the first 20 kilos."

'Table cloth is filthy.' 'We've been open since 1976.'

"I used to be a foodie. Now I'm a fussy glutton."

'Trying to sell these things is like flogging a dead horse.'

Try to cut down on your salt intake.