Vegan Experimenter Gifts

Before/After

"I think my mom made me a tofu sandwich."

"States of tofu"

"At first glance this diet might seem boring but then you realize there are actually seven varieties of kale!"

What's In Her Bag? Coachella Edition!

"Mom, I'm at work – let me call you back after I finish stocking milk for wealthy vegans who like beet juice in their meat alternatives so they can still get that bloody effect when cooking without guilt."

"Is there a vegan option?"

'Powdery stuff? Oh, that's egg substitute, from the Vegan lobby.'

'Say low-cholesterol dairy-free alternative to cheese!'

Excellent crop! What's your secret?

Veggie Hall of Fame.

"You can't make me eat Brussel sprouts Mum: it's illegal to force-feed geese in this country!"

'Extinct? Good heavens no. I'm vegan for God's sake.'

"Dig in. It's a medallion-of-veal look-alike."

Macho Vegetarian

'It's the LAST time I volunteer to organise the staff Christmas meal, I've spent three days trying to find a 'traditional' lacto-vegan Christmas menu.'

'Smile and say: tofu-based dairy substitute.'

"It's natural, vegan organic, no additives, preservatives or cooking."

"I told the cook I would prefer that she use some kind of artificial blackbird substitute."

'And since this product consists of 100% artificial ingredients, we can truthfully say it's vegan!'

"After going vegan, replacing all the animal heads just made sense.'

"Repeat after me... We are vegan... We are vegan..."

"I'm thinking of switching to an all vegan diet...based on carrots...mainly carrots..."

"How almond milk is made"

'Now you tell me you've gone vegan?'

'It's your lucky day. I just went vegan.'

"There are no animal products in our dishes, but since the meals are prepared by animals, you may find some stray hairs."

'That IS the chef's surprise, sir -- the pork chops are really tofu.'

'Not only do you get out of cooking tonight, but you found a place with a lazy chef too.'

"This place has the best vegan nachos!"

'You want to become a vegan?... Well okay, but you do realise there'll be nothing lower than you on the food chain?'

"Can we be seated under a vegan painting?"

"Cool, I've never met a vegan flamingo before."

'Personally I wouldn't be seen dead in it.'

'I,m trying something new...giraffe manure!'