Vaudeville Gifts

'I see the critics say I need a new partner.'

Vaudeville producers audition a singing Canada goose.

". . . But, hey, man, I just want to say this in all sincerity, man, that you are the greatest, man, you the el numero uno cat in my book, man you. . ."

Clown silencers.

"The Professor is ready for ANOTHER volunteer from the audience."

Sleeping dummy.

Tut and Carmen.

Venus

"Have you read any of Shakespeare's plays?"

Distractions Of The Great

"And now, for your entertainment, I will drink a glass of water while Rempert, here, remains eerily silent."

Tourists in Egypt

The only way to see the world is to see the world

'Wow, Jimmy, that's pretty good!'

The Rise of Modern Art

No time for sirtaki now, Greece!

"A wise choice sir! Aah. . . Da Vinci - a genius of the Renaissance and a man who changed the face of art forever! Would you like that as a bookmark, a pencil sharpener or a fridge magnet. . . ?"

"Did Melina Mercouri ever get those marbles back to Greece?"

Scarpia's Palace

"Which way to the Mona Lisa? We're double-parked."

Modern Kids.

Moon

"It had to go - there were historical links with slavery."

Happy Hog - Manet

Exhibition of Paint Colors.

'Arcadian, Brian..it's an Arcadian evening!'

The London Olympic bid

The pop-culture critic's annual existential crisis."

"Hi! I'm on the Sphinx!"

New Orleans Will Come Back Blues.

"Were you using your mobile?" "How could I possibly? I've had my hands full eating and smoking!"

"My two-year-old actually did paint that."

West End Shows closing - box office piled high with boxes.

"Frieze!"

"Are you pleased to see me or is that a vuvuzela down your trousers?"