Vaudeville Pillows

'I see the critics say I need a new partner.'

Vaudeville producers audition a singing Canada goose.

". . . But, hey, man, I just want to say this in all sincerity, man, that you are the greatest, man, you the el numero uno cat in my book, man you. . ."

Clown silencers.

"The Professor is ready for ANOTHER volunteer from the audience."

Sleeping dummy.

Tut and Carmen.

Venus

"Have you read any of Shakespeare's plays?"

Distractions Of The Great

'Wow, Jimmy, that's pretty good!'

"And now, for your entertainment, I will drink a glass of water while Rempert, here, remains eerily silent."

Tourists in Egypt

The only way to see the world is to see the world

The Rise of Modern Art

No time for sirtaki now, Greece!

"A wise choice sir! Aah. . . Da Vinci - a genius of the Renaissance and a man who changed the face of art forever! Would you like that as a bookmark, a pencil sharpener or a fridge magnet. . . ?"

Scarpia's Palace

"Did Melina Mercouri ever get those marbles back to Greece?"

Modern Kids.

"Which way to the Mona Lisa? We're double-parked."

Moon

"It had to go - there were historical links with slavery."

New Orleans Will Come Back Blues.

The London Olympic bid

"Hi! I'm on the Sphinx!"

Happy Hog - Manet

'Arcadian, Brian..it's an Arcadian evening!'

The pop-culture critic's annual existential crisis."

Exhibition of Paint Colors.

"Were you using your mobile?" "How could I possibly? I've had my hands full eating and smoking!"

"My two-year-old actually did paint that."

"Are you pleased to see me or is that a vuvuzela down your trousers?"

"You can stop any time, sir. I've already told you I'm not wearing a body camera!"

West End Shows closing - box office piled high with boxes.