Upholstery Amateur Gifts

'It's a thousand pities you had to miss those final weeks of your upholstery class.'

Cat with Nine Still Lives

"It may not look like it to you, but trust me, he's hyperactive. It's exhausting!"

Ultra-lazy sloth

"Hurry up, I'm hungry."

'Frank, when was the last time you cleaned your gun?'

"Darling, I never realised how talented you weren't!"

"It took a lot of work to build this car..."

'For our next party, let's invite a carpenter, a painter and an upholsterer so they can help us clean up afterward.'

"If there is no more American Idol what am I going to do to become famous?"

"Donald, the dog wants to get back in."

"I brought you coffee. Sorry it’s cold."

'I'd say the nerve pain you're having in your jaw is due to an arrow through it, but perhaps you'd like to get a 2nd opinion from a dentist.'

"Did you know that cats aren't mentioned anywhere in the Bible?"

The Upholstery Consultant

Sloth traffic jam.

TV Watch(ing) Dog for sale.

Super glue . . .

Young lady telling a young man he is not singing low enough.

"Gracie, I'm getting way tired of your Jane Goodall routine!"

Man having picture of caught fish sees that cat has eaten it.

'Junior is just a little confused.'

"If 'Slothra' takes any longer climbing to the top I'll have to land and refuel again."

'I AM a three-toed sloth, but cartoonists always draw us with two toes.'

Sloth Studios - "Lights! camera! inaction!"

'Now that you've got it running again, how do you stop it?'

"My husband is ambidextrous....completely useless with either hand!"

Honey I'm Home

"Geoffrey's new year resolution was to give up self-respect."

"He sings for charity. He has to. Nobody offers to pay him."

The Tedious Adventures of Mr. Sloth...

"Frankly, I could move a lot faster, but the truth is that I lack motivation..."

"No one quite knew what Bob did to earn a crust...rumour had it he was a biologist...with a special interest in sloths!"

'Do you have any preexisting conditions, like sloth, gluttony, pride, lust...'

Man to patient on couch: 'I'd like to help, but I'm not a psychiatrist, I'm an upholsterer.'