Upholstery Amateur T-Shirts

'It's a thousand pities you had to miss those final weeks of your upholstery class.'

Cat with Nine Still Lives

"It may not look like it to you, but trust me, he's hyperactive. It's exhausting!"

Ultra-lazy sloth

"Hurry up, I'm hungry."

'Frank, when was the last time you cleaned your gun?'

'For our next party, let's invite a carpenter, a painter and an upholsterer so they can help us clean up afterward.'

"Darling, I never realised how talented you weren't!"

"If there is no more American Idol what am I going to do to become famous?"

'I'd say the nerve pain you're having in your jaw is due to an arrow through it, but perhaps you'd like to get a 2nd opinion from a dentist.'

"Donald, the dog wants to get back in."

"I brought you coffee. Sorry it’s cold."

Young lady telling a young man he is not singing low enough.

"Did you know that cats aren't mentioned anywhere in the Bible?"

Super glue . . .

The Upholstery Consultant

Sloth traffic jam.

TV Watch(ing) Dog for sale.

'Junior is just a little confused.'

Man having picture of caught fish sees that cat has eaten it.

"If 'Slothra' takes any longer climbing to the top I'll have to land and refuel again."

'I AM a three-toed sloth, but cartoonists always draw us with two toes.'

Sloth Studios - "Lights! camera! inaction!"

'Now that you've got it running again, how do you stop it?'

"My husband is ambidextrous....completely useless with either hand!"

Honey I'm Home

"Frankly, I could move a lot faster, but the truth is that I lack motivation..."

The Tedious Adventures of Mr. Sloth...

"He sings for charity. He has to. Nobody offers to pay him."

"No one quite knew what Bob did to earn a crust...rumour had it he was a biologist...with a special interest in sloths!"

"Geoffrey's new year resolution was to give up self-respect."

Man to patient on couch: 'I'd like to help, but I'm not a psychiatrist, I'm an upholsterer.'

'Do you have any preexisting conditions, like sloth, gluttony, pride, lust...'

'At least I'm not accused of being envious, lustful, greedy, prideful, gluttonous or wrathful.'