Furniture Upholsterer T-Shirts

'This one's good if you like to toss and turn all night.'

"Are you sure there wasn't a floor model?"

'I'd like to match this credenza.'

'This was designed for people who have mastered easy chairs and want to attempt something more difficult.'

'Are you sure you brought the right flat pack?'

'For our next party, let's invite a carpenter, a painter and an upholsterer so they can help us clean up afterward.'

George was a bit intimidated by his IKEA self-assembly wardrobe.

"Well, do you want to buy this sofa or not? You've been on it for three days!"

Fumes from furniture

"She does this when she's tired."

Nick Offerman

Chair - Ready for Self Assembly.

'Yes, you were abandoned. But then I adopted you. Why are you still taking it out on my couch?'

Office Furniture - Would you like to thump the table sir, to hear what it sounds like?

"I wish I'd never bought Harold that 3-D printer."

DIY.

'Darling...I'm afraid the sofa salesmen got the better of me.'

Introverted Chair

Super glue . . .

The Upholstery Consultant

Authentic Rinkelmier chair (Built 1723)

'They had three puppies and four kids before me: It's almost impossible to find a piece of furniture that hasn't been chewed on...'

"Larry made that chair from a pile of sticks."

Irritable dowel syndrome

"You said to pack only the essentials, and this couch is essential for my afternoon naps."

"If you haven't got a TV, what do you point your furniture at?"

'Now THAT'S what I call a love seat!'

Jude completely misunderstands his doctor's request for a stool sample.

"He's so ostentatious about how un-ostentatious he is."

"I've up cycled your Chippendale!"

'Are you ready for me to read the instructions yet?'