Upgrade Guru Gifts

'It's not directed at you. Most of us have to upgrade our computers a month after buying them.'

My new laptop is nicer than your new laptop. I'm not going to get into a competition about whose new laptop is nicer. The one I replaced is nicer than the one you replaced. Stop it.

Prepare to meet thy mechanic.

Happiness is spending late summer afternoon on a buying binge at the iPhone app store.

Man feeding his computer money.

"I think that was one upgrade to many for Chris!"

'These computer repair people certainly take their jobs seriously.'

'I'm working because I've been upgraded. He never upgraded so he's out of work.'

'This app is linked to my financial advisor and provides stimulated hand-holding when the market is down.'

Constructive Criticism 50c.

'Here comes Mr. 'Smarter-then-you'.'

'If you're going to marry this geek, I suggest you get the extended warranty.'

"Fine, you win. I'll call a handyman."

The Robotics Department. It says here that these guys completely replace all the cells in their bodies every seven years! Wow! What a slow upgrade cycle! If we don't replace all our parts every six months we become obsolete! It makes you wonder why they're in charge! Yeah, like they expect us to remember thousands of gigabytes of data while they forget their passwords! (Published originally on April 19, 2006)

"I don't know who will be obsolete first, me or my computer."

Cool Cat, Dog Dork, Grumpy Goldfish, Constipated Cockatiel.

"Good news, sir – your carry-on has been upgraded to business class."

The Before-You-Know It-It'll-Be-Obsolete Computer Company

Resume Consultant. Listing professional development courses you've taken since your last job was fine, but don't put"New & Improved" above your name.

"I can't stand this new hardware. It's much harder than the old hardware."

Computer whisperer.

After the upgrade, crashes were far less frequent and seldom fatal.

"Do I look like a wise man to you?"

Geek Intuition

Rudy, am I correct that you and Armstrong each just upgraded your laptops? Yeah, so? And last month, if I'm not mistaken, you and Armstrong each upgraded your phones. Again, so? Don't you see what's happened to you and Armstrong? You've synchronized your cycles. What? Your upgrade cycles! They're in sync! What in the world are you talking about? What in the world indeed?!

Bob's DIY Store

'Do you think we can afford better toilets?'...

I can be upgraded, can you?

"Uh...not to be bossy, but I wouldn't do it that way."

"So that's how you fixed things before there was Duct tape."

'The boss seems to think you have an unhealthy obsession with upgrading your computer. You're to check into rehab on Monday.'

"Hey Siri, why does my neck hurt?"

"It's quite alright searching for the perfect phone. But remember there always will be upgrades."

'Oh, we haven't used a crystal ball in years.'

"They've already had two upgrades while we've been standing in line."