Heavenly Upgrader Gifts

"Wherever he is, I know he'll be upgraded."

"I can't believe how great my life is now: We used to live in an apartment, but now, I have my own garden..."

"I can't stand this new hardware. It's much harder than the old hardware."

Resume Consultant. Listing professional development courses you've taken since your last job was fine, but don't put"New & Improved" above your name.

Rudy, am I correct that you and Armstrong each just upgraded your laptops? Yeah, so? And last month, if I'm not mistaken, you and Armstrong each upgraded your phones. Again, so? Don't you see what's happened to you and Armstrong? You've synchronized your cycles. What? Your upgrade cycles! They're in sync! What in the world are you talking about? What in the world indeed?!

A fish jumping from a tank that reads "Tropical fish $5.00" into a tank that reads "Tropical fish $20.00"

'Couldn't you just leave that here until we're sure the new system works?'

"I can guarantee it's the latest thing...until the next thing arrives."

'It's for the office computer. It's been replaced.'

It's the Fad Herald. I should've upgraded my phone. Hear ye. Today, a special announcement. The following is now in: Hope. Until further notice, that tingly, expectant feeling you're experiencing may be interpreted as optimism, mild euphoria, the illusion of better times ahead. Wow. Now that you mention it. Cool. Wait ... What do you man by illusion? Looking ahead to 2020 trends: Disappointment. Nah. We'll be fine, I'm sure.

"Every time I offer them an upgrade, they click on 'not now'."

"Our smart home just texted us. It said instead of binge watching shows, we should be updating it. It wants us to start with the kitchen."

"If you're going to use a TV as your computer monitor, I suggest investing in a new model."

"As long as we're renewing our vows, I'd like to trade him in for a newer model."

'Let's just see how intuitive this software really is.'

STRIP Hambone: expensive new computer model

"I wish I hadn't rushed out and bought this model, your new model is much better!"

'It's not directed at you. Most of us have to upgrade our computers a month after buying them.'

Kindly readers, scientific literature has long established that women who spend a lot of time together synchronize their hormonal cycles. I believe I have discovered an analogous phenomenon in men. They too synchronize their cycles. What cycles? Their upgrade cycles! Look carefully, if you will, at the way men who like or work in close quarters seem to develop similar cycles for upgrading phones, televisions and other gadgets. I got a new phone! I got a new butter churn! He's right! Aaaahhh!!!

"I've managed to beat the taxman, I had a coffee in Starbucks, upgraded my Vodaphone and did some shopping on Amazon."

"My husband is much like his computer. . . a constant work in progress."

'I'm upgrading. What's the difference between these two?' '

'Hello, tech support? How do I know if I'm using the latest version of the internet?'

'Teachers can't be bought off with apples today. Maybe if I gave her small kitchen appliances?'

"Good day, madam, according to the terms and conditions of your marriage vows, you are now eligible for a full-husband upgrade."

Computer nerd sits at do-it-yourself upgraded computer.

Man in small hotel room phones room service: 'Room service? Send me up more room.'

"It finally finished the update! But it started the update in 2004!"

'I only got a C minus, but as soon as I get home, I'm planning on downloading an upgrade.'

'With this new graphite driver I'll hit the ball straighter and with these new super distance balls I'll hit it 30 yards further.'

Santa Upgrades His Sleigh.

"We need a new GPS."