Digital Upgrader Gifts

It's the Fad Herald. I should've upgraded my phone. Hear ye. Today, a special announcement. The following is now in: Hope. Until further notice, that tingly, expectant feeling you're experiencing may be interpreted as optimism, mild euphoria, the illusion of better times ahead. Wow. Now that you mention it. Cool. Wait ... What do you man by illusion? Looking ahead to 2020 trends: Disappointment. Nah. We'll be fine, I'm sure.

My new laptop is nicer than your new laptop. I'm not going to get into a competition about whose new laptop is nicer. The one I replaced is nicer than the one you replaced. Stop it.

'Zeb, don't you reckon it's time you took that pig into town and traded him for some decent Wi'-Fi?'

"I don't know who will be obsolete first, me or my computer."

Resume Consultant. Listing professional development courses you've taken since your last job was fine, but don't put"New & Improved" above your name.

Rudy, am I correct that you and Armstrong each just upgraded your laptops? Yeah, so? And last month, if I'm not mistaken, you and Armstrong each upgraded your phones. Again, so? Don't you see what's happened to you and Armstrong? You've synchronized your cycles. What? Your upgrade cycles! They're in sync! What in the world are you talking about? What in the world indeed?!

'Darling, wake up, I've just realised ... we're not HD ready.'

I can be upgraded, can you?

A fish jumping from a tank that reads "Tropical fish $5.00" into a tank that reads "Tropical fish $20.00"

"It's quite alright searching for the perfect phone. But remember there always will be upgrades."

'Couldn't you just leave that here until we're sure the new system works?'

"Okay, this summer I've been able to buy a speaker system and a full set of dash knobs. Only 4,387 more parts before I have my own customized ragtop."

"Wherever he is, I know he'll be upgraded."

'It's for the office computer. It's been replaced.'

'I'm sorry Sherman, you're dumped. I could never go out with sombody who uses out of date tech.'

"I think you need to update your mobile device."

"Every time I offer them an upgrade, they click on 'not now'."

"If you're going to use a TV as your computer monitor, I suggest investing in a new model."

"As long as we're renewing our vows, I'd like to trade him in for a newer model."

'Let's just see how intuitive this software really is.'

"I wish I hadn't rushed out and bought this model, your new model is much better!"

"Our smart home just texted us. It said instead of binge watching shows, we should be updating it. It wants us to start with the kitchen."

'It's not directed at you. Most of us have to upgrade our computers a month after buying them.'

STRIP Hambone: 'We've finally paid off the �23,000 on this one...'

'How do you do it? You don't look a day over 3G!'

"I've managed to beat the taxman, I had a coffee in Starbucks, upgraded my Vodaphone and did some shopping on Amazon."

Are you saying I have no control over when I upgrade my devices? In effect. You've got some kind of subconscious internal clock that drives you to regularly buy a new phone, or TV, or video game console. And there's nothing I can do about it? So it would seem. How freeing. Does this revelation come with a new credit line? Go away.

'Someday, son, you will have to make the hard decisions, buy new or upgrade.'

"My husband is much like his computer. . . a constant work in progress."

"Why didn't they do all these updates at the computer factory?"

'Someday, I hope to be a smart phone.'

'Teachers can't be bought off with apples today. Maybe if I gave her small kitchen appliances?'

'Hello, tech support? How do I know if I'm using the latest version of the internet?'

Tonight, on "Cops," a local man leads police on a high-speed chase through Best Buy. It all began when clerks noticed he was coming in every day to upgrade different obsolete items. When he ran out of his own obsolete hardware, he began rummaging through other customers' pockets looking for old cellphones to upgrade. He zoomed free, but cops had no trouble tracking the perp down. Please don't be Rudy. Please don't be Rudy. Please don't - Maybe next time "Rudy" will think twice before personalizi

Computer nerd sits at do-it-yourself upgraded computer.