Software Upgrader Gifts

'Let's just see how intuitive this software really is.'

"I can't believe how great my life is now: We used to live in an apartment, but now, I have my own garden..."

My new laptop is nicer than your new laptop. I'm not going to get into a competition about whose new laptop is nicer. The one I replaced is nicer than the one you replaced. Stop it.

'Zeb, don't you reckon it's time you took that pig into town and traded him for some decent Wi'-Fi?'

"I don't know who will be obsolete first, me or my computer."

Resume Consultant. Listing professional development courses you've taken since your last job was fine, but don't put"New & Improved" above your name.

1080P New Year's Resolution

" 'Obselete' means any software the company bought last year for multi-megabucks."

Rudy, am I correct that you and Armstrong each just upgraded your laptops? Yeah, so? And last month, if I'm not mistaken, you and Armstrong each upgraded your phones. Again, so? Don't you see what's happened to you and Armstrong? You've synchronized your cycles. What? Your upgrade cycles! They're in sync! What in the world are you talking about? What in the world indeed?!

I can be upgraded, can you?

'I'm too busy installing updates to figure out any practical application for them.'

A fish jumping from a tank that reads "Tropical fish $5.00" into a tank that reads "Tropical fish $20.00"

"It's quite alright searching for the perfect phone. But remember there always will be upgrades."

'Couldn't you just leave that here until we're sure the new system works?'

'It's for the office computer. It's been replaced.'

'I'm sorry Sherman, you're dumped. I could never go out with sombody who uses out of date tech.'

"Wherever he is, I know he'll be upgraded."

It's the Fad Herald. I should've upgraded my phone. Hear ye. Today, a special announcement. The following is now in: Hope. Until further notice, that tingly, expectant feeling you're experiencing may be interpreted as optimism, mild euphoria, the illusion of better times ahead. Wow. Now that you mention it. Cool. Wait ... What do you man by illusion? Looking ahead to 2020 trends: Disappointment. Nah. We'll be fine, I'm sure.

"Definitely time for an upgrade."

"I think you need to update your mobile device."

"If you're going to use a TV as your computer monitor, I suggest investing in a new model."

"Our smart home just texted us. It said instead of binge watching shows, we should be updating it. It wants us to start with the kitchen."

"I wish I hadn't rushed out and bought this model, your new model is much better!"

'Which of us can resist the technological advance?'

'Combination 3.0 dinner is also available in an upgraded version 3.1.'

STRIP Hambone: 'We've finally paid off the �23,000 on this one...'

'It's not directed at you. Most of us have to upgrade our computers a month after buying them.'

'How do you do it? You don't look a day over 3G!'

"Your new operating system has rendered all your applications and peripherals inoperable"

Before and After an Update

'Someday, son, you will have to make the hard decisions, buy new or upgrade.'

Are you saying I have no control over when I upgrade my devices? In effect. You've got some kind of subconscious internal clock that drives you to regularly buy a new phone, or TV, or video game console. And there's nothing I can do about it? So it would seem. How freeing. Does this revelation come with a new credit line? Go away.

"Why didn't they do all these updates at the computer factory?"

"I've managed to beat the taxman, I had a coffee in Starbucks, upgraded my Vodaphone and did some shopping on Amazon."

'Someday, I hope to be a smart phone.'