Home Upgrader Gifts

"Our smart home just texted us. It said instead of binge watching shows, we should be updating it. It wants us to start with the kitchen."

"I can't believe how great my life is now: We used to live in an apartment, but now, I have my own garden..."

"No, our home wasn't stolen. Since it's a 'smart home', it keeps having itself moved to a nice neighborhood."

My new laptop is nicer than your new laptop. I'm not going to get into a competition about whose new laptop is nicer. The one I replaced is nicer than the one you replaced. Stop it.

'The program is stupid, primitive, embarrassing, and boring. I want to buy a new telly.'

'Zeb, don't you reckon it's time you took that pig into town and traded him for some decent Wi'-Fi?'

TV: widescreen 16x9 versus 4x3.

"I don't know who will be obsolete first, me or my computer."

"Here's the remote to your smart home. It's big, but the good news is you'll never lose it."

'Well, I finally made the switch from cable to satellite.'

Resume Consultant. Listing professional development courses you've taken since your last job was fine, but don't put"New & Improved" above your name.

'I was walking past the washers and dryers and one of my socks disappeared.'

"Can you de-schlump him?"

Rudy, am I correct that you and Armstrong each just upgraded your laptops? Yeah, so? And last month, if I'm not mistaken, you and Armstrong each upgraded your phones. Again, so? Don't you see what's happened to you and Armstrong? You've synchronized your cycles. What? Your upgrade cycles! They're in sync! What in the world are you talking about? What in the world indeed?!

'Wow, thanks for putting it into context. My 42-inch plasma really is obsolete.'

"I can't believe I went so long without A.C."

I can be upgraded, can you?

"It's quite alright searching for the perfect phone. But remember there always will be upgrades."

"And, in suburban news, construction of the new, attached four-season solarium at 6870 Evercrest Drive continued amid the silent, seething envy of the neighbors."

'Couldn't you just leave that here until we're sure the new system works?'

"This home comes with all the latest technology. As part of the tech package, tech-support will live with you until you figure out how to use it all."

'It's for the office computer. It's been replaced.'

It's the Fad Herald. I should've upgraded my phone. Hear ye. Today, a special announcement. The following is now in: Hope. Until further notice, that tingly, expectant feeling you're experiencing may be interpreted as optimism, mild euphoria, the illusion of better times ahead. Wow. Now that you mention it. Cool. Wait ... What do you man by illusion? Looking ahead to 2020 trends: Disappointment. Nah. We'll be fine, I'm sure.

'I'm sorry Sherman, you're dumped. I could never go out with sombody who uses out of date tech.'

"Okay, this summer I've been able to buy a speaker system and a full set of dash knobs. Only 4,387 more parts before I have my own customized ragtop."

"Wherever he is, I know he'll be upgraded."

'Don't Worry - They Never Think It'

'Nice penthouse.'

"I think you need to update your mobile device."

'Let's just see how intuitive this software really is.'

"If you're going to use a TV as your computer monitor, I suggest investing in a new model."

"I wish I hadn't rushed out and bought this model, your new model is much better!"

STRIP Hambone: 'We've finally paid off the �23,000 on this one...'

Please Swipe Your Feet

A hermit crab moves home