Home Upgrade Gifts

"I can't believe I went so long without A.C."

'...and the built-in bookshelf has been replaced & updated with ebook plugs.'

'Well, I finally made the switch from cable to satellite.'

'Nice penthouse.'

TV: widescreen 16x9 versus 4x3.

Let's get organized

Lady using paint roller as rolling pin for baking dough.

Jack of all trades

"I can't believe how great my life is now: We used to live in an apartment, but now, I have my own garden..."

"No, it wasn't a sinkhole. Your old TV was so heavy the ground could no longer take the weight."

"Now, I'm ready for summer."

"I spilled a red dot of paint, so I painted the whole room so you wouldn't notice it."

"You haven't got dyslexia- the instructions are in polish."

"What's that? I asked for a teal lichen. That's a brown thread. Are you trying to upset me?"

"Maybe we should cut back on those lawn catalogues."

'I wonder if they have any water filters?'

"The kids love it, and it's saved my marriage."

Light Bulb Moment

"In my house, 'dirty dancing' means it's time to mop the floor."

Painting by the numbers for adults

'Is that the only wallpaper you could find?!'

Maybe I should have measured my garden before going shopping....

"The dryer giveth and the dryer taketh away."

Do you mind if we stop calling this a "starter house" now?

'We like the occasional drink on the patio.'

'These elves sure are helpful around the house.'

Dear Santa, please can I have a powerful herbicide for Christmas. Best wishes, Adam.

"I finally found a use for that old home repair book..."

The Missing Sock Returns

'Good news. I found where the termites have been living.'

Adhesive Tiles: Do Not Open from this End.

Why it's bad when home owners change their minds about the bathroom's location late in a building project.

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

Christmas tree with wadded up lights.

"In the whole length and breadth of this world there is no more admirable a spot for a man and his dog to pass the time than the local Home Depot."