Eternal Upgrader Gifts

"My husband is much like his computer. . . a constant work in progress."

My new laptop is nicer than your new laptop. I'm not going to get into a competition about whose new laptop is nicer. The one I replaced is nicer than the one you replaced. Stop it.

Man feeding his computer money.

"I think that was one upgrade to many for Chris!"

The Robotics Department. It says here that these guys completely replace all the cells in their bodies every seven years! Wow! What a slow upgrade cycle! If we don't replace all our parts every six months we become obsolete! It makes you wonder why they're in charge! Yeah, like they expect us to remember thousands of gigabytes of data while they forget their passwords! (Published originally on April 19, 2006)

'If you're going to marry this geek, I suggest you get the extended warranty.'

'Here comes Mr. 'Smarter-then-you'.'

Resume Consultant. Listing professional development courses you've taken since your last job was fine, but don't put"New & Improved" above your name.

The Before-You-Know It-It'll-Be-Obsolete Computer Company

"Good news, sir – your carry-on has been upgraded to business class."

After the upgrade, crashes were far less frequent and seldom fatal.

'Do you think we can afford better toilets?'...

A fish jumping from a tank that reads "Tropical fish $5.00" into a tank that reads "Tropical fish $20.00"

'The boss seems to think you have an unhealthy obsession with upgrading your computer. You're to check into rehab on Monday.'

"They've already had two upgrades while we've been standing in line."

'Oh, we haven't used a crystal ball in years.'

'Management is upgrading all the hardware.'

'Couldn't you just leave that here until we're sure the new system works?'

It's the Fad Herald. I should've upgraded my phone. Hear ye. Today, a special announcement. The following is now in: Hope. Until further notice, that tingly, expectant feeling you're experiencing may be interpreted as optimism, mild euphoria, the illusion of better times ahead. Wow. Now that you mention it. Cool. Wait ... What do you man by illusion? Looking ahead to 2020 trends: Disappointment. Nah. We'll be fine, I'm sure.

"Never stop learning"

Man throwing out his outdated TV set.

"Wherever he is, I know he'll be upgraded."

'It's for the office computer. It's been replaced.'

"Every time I offer them an upgrade, they click on 'not now'."

"Our smart home just texted us. It said instead of binge watching shows, we should be updating it. It wants us to start with the kitchen."

'Let's just see how intuitive this software really is.'

STRIP Hambone: expensive new computer model

"I wish I hadn't rushed out and bought this model, your new model is much better!"

"You're in the wrong queue, sir. . . the 'Air-of-entitlement, upgrade-demands' counter, is over there."

"As long as we're renewing our vows, I'd like to trade him in for a newer model."

"If you're going to use a TV as your computer monitor, I suggest investing in a new model."

'It's not directed at you. Most of us have to upgrade our computers a month after buying them.'

Are you saying I have no control over when I upgrade my devices? In effect. You've got some kind of subconscious internal clock that drives you to regularly buy a new phone, or TV, or video game console. And there's nothing I can do about it? So it would seem. How freeing. Does this revelation come with a new credit line? Go away.

"Any chance of an upgrade?"

"My son's going back. Have you anything for a 78 year old."