Spiritual Upgrader Gifts

"Every time I offer them an upgrade, they click on 'not now'."

Giving Things Up For Lent.

Resume Consultant. Listing professional development courses you've taken since your last job was fine, but don't put"New & Improved" above your name.

Dogs in heaven with collar halos.

"The gods really love tight buns."

A fish jumping from a tank that reads "Tropical fish $5.00" into a tank that reads "Tropical fish $20.00"

Growing Churches

'Couldn't you just leave that here until we're sure the new system works?'

"Meaning of life? Oh, you want my brother. Third mountain over on my right. Me, I'm just a hermit."

"Mostly been praising Krishna a lot."

It's the Fad Herald. I should've upgraded my phone. Hear ye. Today, a special announcement. The following is now in: Hope. Until further notice, that tingly, expectant feeling you're experiencing may be interpreted as optimism, mild euphoria, the illusion of better times ahead. Wow. Now that you mention it. Cool. Wait ... What do you man by illusion? Looking ahead to 2020 trends: Disappointment. Nah. We'll be fine, I'm sure.

"Wherever he is, I know he'll be upgraded."

'It's for the office computer. It's been replaced.'

"I think you need to update your mobile device."

"As long as we're renewing our vows, I'd like to trade him in for a newer model."

'Let's just see how intuitive this software really is.'

"I wish I hadn't rushed out and bought this model, your new model is much better!"

"Our smart home just texted us. It said instead of binge watching shows, we should be updating it. It wants us to start with the kitchen."

'It's not directed at you. Most of us have to upgrade our computers a month after buying them.'

"My husband is much like his computer. . . a constant work in progress."

"I've managed to beat the taxman, I had a coffee in Starbucks, upgraded my Vodaphone and did some shopping on Amazon."

'Don't worry -- if you fall off, you automatically get reincarnated.'

Bob's personal journey of spiritual growth gets bogged down behind some idiot going half the speed limit.

'I reinvented myself. I'm deeper now, more challenging.'

'Someday, I hope to be a smart phone.'

'I'm upgrading. What's the difference between these two?' '

'Teachers can't be bought off with apples today. Maybe if I gave her small kitchen appliances?'

"Good day, madam, according to the terms and conditions of your marriage vows, you are now eligible for a full-husband upgrade."

'Hello, tech support? How do I know if I'm using the latest version of the internet?'

Computer nerd sits at do-it-yourself upgraded computer.

"It finally finished the update! But it started the update in 2004!"

'I only got a C minus, but as soon as I get home, I'm planning on downloading an upgrade.'

Man in small hotel room phones room service: 'Room service? Send me up more room.'

Santa Upgrades His Sleigh.

"The most important thing now is that we all work toward unity."