Vow Upgrader Gifts

"As long as we're renewing our vows, I'd like to trade him in for a newer model."

"...until death do you a favor."

"...for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death or litigation do you part?"

"You may now kiss the bride."

"For richer or poorer, in function and dysfunction,..."

"You said it—everybody heard you."

'Do you promise to love, honor, and kiss the bed covers goodbye?'

"We can't scrub the 'forsaking all others' bit."

"For better for worse. For richer for poorer. I sickness and in health....I warned you these vows were extremely graphic."

''Love, honor, and obey'? - This needs a REWRITE!'

'I refuse to say 'Cross my heart and hope to die'.'

"Are you, Michael on the same page as Melissa?"

"I can guarantee it's the latest thing...until the next thing arrives."

'Couldn't you just leave that here until we're sure the new system works?'

'It's for the office computer. It's been replaced.'

'And do you Kevin, take, no arm twisting, please.'

"… in sickness and in health, with no chance of parole for 25 years?"

"Wherever he is, I know he'll be upgraded."

'Don't I get to read the small print?'

"If you're going to use a TV as your computer monitor, I suggest investing in a new model."

'Do you, Isabel, promise to give it your best shot?'

'Let's just see how intuitive this software really is.'

"I wish I hadn't rushed out and bought this model, your new model is much better!"

'Which of us can resist the technological advance?'

"I now mispronounce you, Mon and wafe"

"My husband is much like his computer. . . a constant work in progress."

"Things were great until we decided to renew our rows."

"'Present' is not an appropriate response."

"Good day, madam, according to the terms and conditions of your marriage vows, you are now eligible for a full-husband upgrade."

DEFINE "for poorer".