Vow Modernizer Gifts

''Love, honor, and obey'? - This needs a REWRITE!'

'I've decided to centralize my operations. Everything will be in my ipad.'

"...until death do you a favor."

Minister to marrying couple: 'Remember, you're under oath.'

"Miss Jones, bring me into the 21st century..."

'Wait a minute -- you haven't said anything about a retirement age.'

'Either you say 'I do' or you don't -- You can't plead nolo contendere.'

Computerized society.

"...for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death or litigation do you part?"

'Now, it does require some modernisation. . . .'

"You may now kiss the bride."

"For richer or poorer, in function and dysfunction,..."

The new electronic system is efficient, but the garage had to sacrifice parking spaces for it.

"You said it—everybody heard you."

Nethead strip: Fashion sense

No, you were supposed to check the doorbell camera before lowering the drawbridge.

"I've got something in what used to be a decrepit, run-down, unfashionable area."

"If I'd known, I would've changed my vows to; Until bald and fat do we part."

"The couple will now exchange vows they wrote themselves, because I guess mine weren't good enough, but, whatever, let's see what you've got."

'Do you promise to love, honor, and kiss the bed covers goodbye?'

Computers: In and Obsolete.

"Are you, Michael on the same page as Melissa?"

"For better for worse. For richer for poorer. I sickness and in health....I warned you these vows were extremely graphic."

Auditions: To Perform at Metro Stations Today.

"Do you promise to love and be faithful to each other for the next 28 days and then see where it goes from there?"

'And do you, Sarah, promise never to Google his ex-wife?'

"We can't scrub the 'forsaking all others' bit."

'... and do you promise to love Angela, more than she loves you?'

'I refuse to say 'Cross my heart and hope to die'.'

Modern day smoke signals.

'Don't I get to read the small print?'

"… in sickness and in health, with no chance of parole for 25 years?"

'I do, but no promises.'

STRIP Hambone: We've been computerized

"Subscribe to receive a new commandment every month."