Upgrading Gifts

I can be upgraded, can you?

'How do you do it? You don't look a day over 3G!'

STRIP Hambone: 'We've finally paid off the �23,000 on this one...'

"Why didn't they do all these updates at the computer factory?"

Tonight, on "Cops," a local man leads police on a high-speed chase through Best Buy. It all began when clerks noticed he was coming in every day to upgrade different obsolete items. When he ran out of his own obsolete hardware, he began rummaging through other customers' pockets looking for old cellphones to upgrade. He zoomed free, but cops had no trouble tracking the perp down. Please don't be Rudy. Please don't be Rudy. Please don't - Maybe next time "Rudy" will think twice before personalizi

My new laptop is nicer than your new laptop. I'm not going to get into a competition about whose new laptop is nicer. The one I replaced is nicer than the one you replaced. Stop it.

Rudy, am I correct that you and Armstrong each just upgraded your laptops? Yeah, so? And last month, if I'm not mistaken, you and Armstrong each upgraded your phones. Again, so? Don't you see what's happened to you and Armstrong? You've synchronized your cycles. What? Your upgrade cycles! They're in sync! What in the world are you talking about? What in the world indeed?!

Are you saying I have no control over when I upgrade my devices? In effect. You've got some kind of subconscious internal clock that drives you to regularly buy a new phone, or TV, or video game console. And there's nothing I can do about it? So it would seem. How freeing. Does this revelation come with a new credit line? Go away.

"It's quite alright searching for the perfect phone. But remember there always will be upgrades."

"I don't know who will be obsolete first, me or my computer."

'I'm sorry Sherman, you're dumped. I could never go out with sombody who uses out of date tech.'

'Someday, son, you will have to make the hard decisions, buy new or upgrade.'

'Anything you can compute I can compute better. I can compute anything better than you.'

You're telling me not to choose sides between Google and Apple. Precisely. Computer Villa. Stay neutral. Continue to support both companies. Emotionally. Right. By buying as much as you can from both companies. Doesn't that only benefit you? Heretic. Absolve yourself by upgrading your phone! Computer Villa.

"You haven't enjoyed the Yule log till you've enjoyed it in high def."

"I got connected to the internet!"

'If you're going to marry this geek, I suggest you get the extended warranty.'

'Here comes Mr. 'Smarter-then-you'.'

Resume Consultant. Listing professional development courses you've taken since your last job was fine, but don't put"New & Improved" above your name.

'Darling, wake up, I've just realised ... we're not HD ready.'

'Oh, we haven't used a crystal ball in years.'

"Most of it is the same, but if you look here you'll see that the price is twice as big"

"Let's take it step by step. How do I turn it on?"

'Management is upgrading all the hardware.'

'We need a new TV, Dad — it's stupid watching 'Reading Rainbow' in black and white.'

'Couldn't you just leave that here until we're sure the new system works?'

"If it ain't broke, don't fix it."

'It's for the office computer. It's been replaced.'

Man throwing out his outdated TV set.

"I must ask Alexa too many questions. She said she can't answer any more because her throat is sore from talking."

Television Models

'Granny buys wide-screen TV'

"Wherever he is, I know he'll be upgraded."

"I thought I'd go digital this year."

'Have you considered buying a new computer?'